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I have suffered from depression for a while now, but I have never announced it. I always felt weak if I asked for help. I am married, but my spouses job takes them away all the time, so I spend most of my time alone. I move around alot, so I dont make alot of friends, and when I do, I find that I cant fully open because I dont trust well; I’ve been burned many times. I have struggled with self harm in silence, no one knows, and since I am alone more often then not, no one has seen. I have done it in the past when things have felt out of my control.  Now I find I am doing it just to feel something… anything. I have always been that person who could make anyone smile, make everyone laugh, however no one would ever guess that inside I am crying, and even screaming for someone to see me… to hear me. Recently I lost one of the most important people in my life.. my father. I was across the world, so by the time I got there to see him, he was pretty much gone, only machines keeping him with me.  Again, I messed up.  Feels like all I can do well anymore is mess up. But say in and day out, I put on this smile and go about my day… however, with the state of the world, the world cant even see my smile anymore behind my mask.  No big deal, I have been wearing a mask for years, so maybe I wont be as tired anymore. I can hide my real face behind a real mask now, instead of my fake one.

1 Comment
  1. aquazium 2 months ago

    I’ve been wearing a mask for years too. I get sarcastic and start not caring about anything.
    I honestly don’t have answers for you, because this is my biggest struggle. Maybe try doing creative stuff instead of self-harming?
    I can say, though, that I get it. I get you. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get support and answers and help. Take it one moment at a time. We’re here for you.

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