So, I didn't get that job I interviewed for. Big fucking surprise. Oh well, I guess time to look some more.  This is really getting so discouraging to the point where I can barely deal with it anymore.  There are two restaurants around here that I know are hiring so I guess I'm gonna check those out.

Good news though.  I'm going to start taking a Pharmacy Tech class in March.  It's only for like a month and a half, two days a week and it prepares you for the certification test.  It was my mom's idea and she wants to pay for it, but I feel guilty.  She ended up having to spot me the last two years of college cause of my piece of shit father.  It's been almost 6 months and I still haven't been able to find a job and now she is going to pay more money for school.  I promised to, and AM going to pay her back for all of it, once I can actually get a job.  I just feel so damn guilty and such a drain.  Like it isn't enough that she has to deal with me and pay for me, now she's paying for more school? Granted, it was her idea, but still.  I feel like a worthless piece of shit for it.  I'm almost leaning towards not going just so she doesn't have to pay.  I'm fucking 23 years old, still living at home with her, no income.  She is basically supporting me and I hate it.  I appreciate it to NO end, but I still hate it. But there is not much I can do about it except get more depressed because of it.  Ah, why do I even bother?

You know, I started out  that last paragraph trying to be positive.  It just didn't work 🙂   I'm restricting again, and it's making me feel better and it is also less of a drain on my mom cause she doesn't have to buy so much food.

I've been looking around on the internet for like support groups in my area or whatever, because I really need a friend in my life that is going through what I'm going through and understands.  Someone that I can talk to face to face and hang out with and it not be awkward.  Anyone live in Birmingham, Alabama?  Long shot, I know.

Anyways, I guess that's it for now.  I have therapy tomorrow, but I'm thinking about canceling my appointment.  I just don't want to go.  And she wants me to bring my journals in cause I have such a hard time vocalizing things in sessions.  I just don't know if I can do it.  I haven't decided yet, I'm still thinking.

Ok, so I wrote this earlier today.  Edit– I signed up for the pharmacy tech class and actually feel really good about it after talking with my mom.  I cancelled my therapy appointment for tomorrow.  Don't think I can handle it.  I am scheduled for next week though. And I will go.  I just need a break.


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