I was feeling GREAT today! Perfect, even. Super good mood, no anxiety at all. Then I went to the store. My husband informed me earlier that he'll be hogging the TV tonight so I thought "I'll go get a book to read." Im never good at picking out books. I usually will just read something someone recommends. So I didn't have any idea what I wanted to get but something "cheery."
So, Im looking at the books that have interesting sounding titles and reading the backs to see what they're about. I kept choosing ones that were about cheating husbands, failing marriages, people with a lot of dissatisfaction in life, and even one about a woman dealing with panic attacks & depression. Basically, all the things that "set off" the fear.
So now I'm standing there getting all anxious and thinking "What the fu**?!?! Now I can't even read a book?!!?" I have had problems with movies & tv shows scaring me and now apperently books are going to do it too.
I use to be a huge movie buff. I LOVE movies. All kinds (except horror.) Books too really, but movies more so. Anyway, ever since my mini-bout with depression 2 years ago, I kind of shy away frrom anything too "emotional." And forget movies that have anything in them at all about mental health issues. I use to love that movie "About A Boy" but can't get myself to watch it now because of the small part about the depressed woman. Ridiculous! It's like Im afraid that if I watch it, I'll get depressed. And that thought makes me really anxious.
I know a lot of people have problems doing certain things like going to the store or driving. I am so thankful that I really don't (Ive felt that way when I was already anxous but refused to let myself give into it for fear that it would escalate into agoraphobia.) So Im proud of myself for that…But now Im avoiding certain movies and books.
Anyway, I just get frustrated that I can feel soooo good with no anxiety but it always seems to make a comeback! Thankfully, I was able to push it away earlier and feel pretty much better now. Just a little "blah."