I don't really know how this all started, the terror of my own peers I mean. I feel like I was a pretty ordinary kid, and maybe this is all just the effects of "mean girl" problems in middle school, but I feel like I can't connect with other people. I'm not really friendly because it's like I forgot how human interaction works. I feel the only way I make friends is with people I'm forced to spend time with (roommates, classmates), but really that's not practical. I don't know how I'm going to meet people outside of the sufficating bubble I've set for myself. I set myself up for failure everytime.
What's worse is that I'm funny. I know I'm funny. I'm terribly aware of that fact because there are two kinds of people I enteract with, the people who have figured out I'm funny and the people who haven't. People will treat you completely different when they realize your funny. You can be totally isolated and ignored for a long time, but the moment they realize you can turn a phrase, they're all the sudden all ears. People will force themselves upon you when they know you're funny. They'll be telling a story, and look over at you to make sure you're laughing. They want your approval. They want you to talk about your childhood. They want you to talk about everything. They want you to entertain them. You stop becoming a person and you turn into their puppet. You're amusing, but they keep their distance from you. They probably have figured out that you're a sad person. They want to turn you on and off. But you're a human being.
Some have noticed that, over the years. People have figured out that I'm more than just some funny girl. They're the handfull of friends that I have. But I still keep them far enough away that if they leave it's not as noticable. It's comforting, but lonely. Like everyday.