I\'m feeling more and more upbeat about things. Just slowly, I feel like everything is lifting up, anxiety and depression-wise.
It\'s like my meds are suddenly stopping me from having such horrific thoughts as I was having. They were terrifying and unstoppable – the kind of feeling where you just want to die straight away. So obviously I\'m feeling better now that they\'re disappearing. I still have bad thoughts; REALLY bad thoughts sometimes. But they don\'t last so long, and I find it much easier to push them away and get on with things.
I managed to go into the city yesterday afternoon for a BBQ with Harry\'s flat mates. And I had to walk through a pretty rough area to get from Harry\'s place to the park where it was happening. But I didn\'t get anxious. Like, at all. Or hardly, anyway. I feel like I can do a lot more now – I can pretty much always leave my flat and get to lectures, and not only do I walk around campus but I can walk up to the village centre, even though that\'s a really rough area too. I mean I have to walk through Nottingham\'s (and England\'s I think) worst council estate to get there. I don\'t feel like I can do it ALL the time, but usually when I want to, I feel more free to.
I\'ve been at uni for a week now since getting back after Easter, and I\'d say overall it\'s turning out much better than I thought it would. I spent a lot of Easter worrying about this final term but I\'m managing so far. I\'m going to try to stay here this weekend too instead of going home. Might not happen but it would be really good if I can do it 🙂