Not really sure how this whole blog is done…but thought it might help to off load by writing a blog!! I'm guessing that's why some people do it!
So here it goes…thought I'd start with bit about me incase anyone is reading this and hasn't seen my profile!! Well I'm 23, from the UK and I suffer from GAD (yipeee…not), lol. I've always been a worrier since I was little and I've always been known as a sensitive soul! Ever since I was 20 my anxiety became really bad, I think I know what triggered it, but who knows, could of been multiple things. Anyways, I've been through some rough times, yeah I know they're nothing compared to what some people have been through, but these are my rough times and have obviously been rough enough to have this effect on me.
I think my worrying problems started when I was bullied at school, I was bullied from the age of 6 to about 17ish, at the age of 11 I made the decision to attend high school in a completely different area, and I still didn't avoid the bullying as they just got at me before/after school and at the age of 15 my parents actually decided to move away because of it, but the bullies still found their way to me. Eventually it stopped, but the worry of what other people thought of me and what they were saying behind my back still got to me.
At the age of 15 I lost my Nana, which had a huge impact on me and I ended up in counselling. Still don't think I've come to grips with losing her.
Got my first boyfriend around 18, long distance, decided to travel the world together, even moved to where he lived and after 3 years I get dumped by text. I'd been lied to for 6 months, found this extremely hard to cope with and think this is what kick started my GAD. And this definitely explains why I have relationship problems and find it hard to trust others.
Anyhoo, enough of the history. At 23, I have a good life, or so it may seem. My family/friends/boyfriend are all amazing and I love them all so much. But inside i'm tormented with this anxiety, it has it's control over and i'm trying my best to break free. Around about March this yr, I decided enough was enough and seeked some professional help. I'm now on medication, going through CBT and Hypnotherapy…not the position I thought I'd be in at 23! But hey, it's not the worst situation I could be in and my cards have been dealt, so I have to deal with it…right? So, my CBT is coming to an end, and although it has worked, I'm scared as I thought I'd be fully 'cured' but I'm not. I know it's practice that makes perfect though, but some days I just don't have the strength. Anxiety is exhausting.
Think I best start wrapping up, anyone reading this will be falling asleep! I know I'm bored of my story! This week I've kind of hit a wall, feeling badly anxious for the first time in a few weeks. I just wanna give in, why me I ask? I just don't wanna feel like this, but I've come this far, why stop now. I'm scared nothing's gonna work and I'm gonna be like this forever, it's gonna take some getting used to. Good job I have an excellent support system around me.
Right so day to day or most days I'm gonna use this blog to off-load how I'm feeling, lets see if it helps!
Bye for now,
Anxiety Angel x