Okay, so I'm back again to blog. I seem to do this whenever I feel stressed, down or just drained. I'm sorry that it seems to be the only times I blog ~ I know everyone could use something uplifting instead. 🙁

My thoughts are scattered today, as I had a rough night of little sleep last night. I started noticing that I felt feverish yesterday, and sure enough ~ I was, although I don't know with what. I think feeling unwell had a LOT to do with my lack of sleep. But despite feeling icky and being tired, I made myself take my son to school, and then came home and put on my make-up, nice clothes, and took my application in to Subway this morning. I don't know if I'll get a position, but I'm hopeful. The manager was very busy this morning, so I talked with her briefly and then left. She seemed nice enough, and seemed to like me.

Now I'm home (obviously) and I've been taking care of phone calls that needed to be made (changing my doctor's appointment because I STILL haven't gone for my blood tests ~ was going to go this morning but felt yucky and I know that my white blood cell count would be high, which would affect the testing, and I also made an appointment with the vet for tomorrow morning for one of my kitties who appears to have a nasty toothache), and soon I will be studying for philosophy class.

I'm so relieved ~ that class will be over with on May 6th! I will have survived it and conquered dealing with it for all these months, which has been no small feat. I hate the class with a passion; it's the WRONG choice for someone who has bipolar disorder and has a real problem with depression. But soon it will be done and I can get my recertification for teaching, and then the whole thing will be taken care of and be behind me. Thank God!

I'm pretty stressed about this week. My calendar is full of things I have to accomplish every single day. Ugh. Tomorrow I take the cat to the vet (even though we have almost no money) and study some more and start my 4th paper and then go to class at 6 p.m., then Wednesday I have to manage to drop my son off at school and then race to see my therapist at 8 a.m. and do more work on my paper, Thursday I'm chaperoning my son's field trip and I have to teach strings class afterwards, and thankfully Friday Zach's out of school and we don't have to be anywhere!!! If I can make it to Friday I'll be alright. 🙂 I can do it, I know I can.

Last night my husband and I decided that starting this afternoon we're going to start doing our walking/jogging routine again. We've all put weight back on since we quit last fall, and I'm worried about how chubby my son is getting. Don't get me wrong, I'll love him no matter how big or small he is, but I know how ugly kids can be about other children who are overweight (been through it myself), and I don't want him to have to go through that.

We've started buying fruits and cheese sticks and such and gotten rid of a lot of the junk food in the house. If it's not available then we can't eat it. It's a big change for all of us, but I think it's the right move. The only bad part about it is that eating healthier is SO expensive that it's almost impossible. Maybe if I get this job at Subway and manage to work 3-4 shifts a week then our financial situation will improve greatly. If it's meant to be then I'll have a good interview and I'll get a job. If not, then I'll look for something else. This seems like it would be easiest, since I've done this sort of thing before and it's only 2 miles away from home and I'll have plenty of options for hours since they open at 7:00 and close at 10:00.

It's a nice day out. A little warmer than I'd like, but still pretty. Hopefully it will cool down some before we go exercising this afternoon.

I wish for you all a beautiful day full of blessings big and small. Don't give up hope ~ things may feel dire or awful but it's not permanent. Look for the small things to sustain you, things you love. Give it time and have faith in yourself. You weren't able to choose whether you could be ill with depression/bipolar/etc.; but you can choose how to take each step forward. Do at least one small happy thing for yourself each day, even if it's hard to start. I promise you'll feel better.

Love and light and prayers for you all.