I'm so glad today is over. It means that i have no more appointments until next week. Horay for that. I really need some time to relax at home. Having had 3 appts in 2 days has completly drained me.

First meeting for today was the rehab/employment people. I was extreamly nervous about this one, so nervous i took a valium just to calm down a little. Wendy was so understanding, and infact basically said everything that I wanted to say. Mostly about slowing the process down alot. I do feel incredibly guilty about messing these guys around. Wendy told me over and over that I wasn't "messing them around".. but I still feel like i am. So anyway, i won't be seeing wendy anymore, which is dissapointing, cause i really liked her. I'll be going back to Rob. Who is like the "pre employment" guy. I'd been seeing him for a while before I seen wendy. i felt like I couldn't talk to him as much as wendy, but I guess i'll just have to wait and see. I told wendy as to what the shrink said yesterday, and she suggested that maybe I should go to my GP and get a dr's certificate, which would put the whole process on hold for a while. This in itself is strange,as i was thinking the same thing. Anyway thats somethng to think about. Having this stuff out in the open with them is a relief. It does feel like one major stressor out of the way.

Straight after that, it was the therapist. When I walked in, she was there, so i didn't even have to wait in the waiting room. We had a good chat. I did tell her about the cutting last night, and I told her why i did it. we talked about guilt, and how i have a way of twisting every compliment into a bad thing… just a few things that came up.

Today was the first day I'm on the double meds. I don't think i'm really finding any difference yet, though its only been one day, so i'm quite aware that its going to take more than one day.

I really appreciated some of the comments I got on my recent blog about cutting. There were some really valid, and understanding comments, so to those people, thank you.


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