Ok Im writing a blog.. Im just done actually. Done with life, done with school, done with it all. Sure I'll keep going, living, moving forward, but I'm done. The feelings I had, the emotions, all turned into one: Numb. The pain comes, turns into Numb. Nothing is there, the empty calm dead sea of emotion is stagnant. Nor do I feel, nor do I care. I didnt imagine I'd get to this point, to stop caring for everything, but hey, never say never. The things I see, I feel.. I just dont know how to feel about them anymore. Theres no volcanoes of anger errupting inside of me, no slithering snakes of anything actually. Im just .. detached. From you, from everyone. I walk forward with feet that are now stubs but still feel like feet, and I still wear socks and shoes. The pretty illusions that were misted my way through life's own squirty bottle, have now settled to the bottom of the world. There is no mist, there is no illusion. Its life. Sure cry, throw tantrums, they used to hurt, but thats all it is now. A used to feeling. Everything is grey, different shades, patterns, but grey. Color bursts in front of my retina sometimes, but never reaches the optic nerve. Never strikes a cord in my heart which refuses to beat correctly. My brain? Dont get me started, that poor guy up there in the cranial capacity of my noggin. Its thunk, and thunk, and thunk until well .. it went "thunk!" on the ground. Not sure if this blog is humerous to some or understood by others. I can smile behind my porcelain mask all day and night till the inanimate cheeks hurt, but I will always be trapped behind. I cry, I laugh, I smile … I hide. No one will see it, its all internal. My fanasies are where I live. Where I am free to love how I want without being controlled. (Must everything be controlled?..idk) Yea, Im done. Just done from it all. If anyone wants emotion from me, you better work your ass off for it, cause Im done giving myself away, done trying. I'm gonna live a life of buddhism in my own manner. A detached, perserved life, until I can experience happiness away from the clamped jaws of whatever metaphor you wanna give life to seem poetic. Till then, I look at me, feel for me, talk for me, eat for me. Go ahead, throw tantrums, call me a shame, tell me how badI am. I've heard it all before, whats new from ya anways?… All that'll get you is another layer added to the 19 inch thick porcelain mask already! 🙂 Until times change, Bye bye!

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