Its been a seriously long time since I last blogged.., I'd firstly like to appologise to anyone whos commented on my guestbook in the past 2 years, or on the last two blogs back in 2011.

All I can say is after my relationship ended, I basically went 'AWOL' my life got pretty crazy. I forgot about using this site to vent & write down what was going on inside so that I could make sense of it all. To be honest I forgot about alot of things.

I became such a mess of a person, I was a hell of a lot of fun, but a mess. I was Thee party girl, always out, always drunk, up for anything. Its sad to look back and think I let myself behave in such a way. I slept around, put myself in [what I now see to be] dangerous situations. I'd walk home, alone, drunk, on drugs at 3am. I'd get in cars with drug dealers, who'd been drinking & go back to my uni house with them. I got topless on stage in one of the clubs I went too. Its utterly shameful, degrading to myself, and quite frankly totally slutty behaviour. I didnt care at the time. I figured I was 'living life to the full' being 'free' and 'uninhibited'.

The combination of drink, drugs, lack of sleep, not eating & partying all the time put me in hospital last January. I was underweight, dehydrated, and I'd caught a virus that was making me seriously ill. They thought it was menigitus when I was first taken to A&E, the symptoms where very similar. I spent a total of 4 days in hospital, after that I went home, with strict instructions to be on bed rest for two weeks. Which was fine by me, I was so weak I was having to be wheelchaired to the bathroom.

It was awake up call. What had I been doing to myself? I dropped out of uni in the May. I'd unsurprisingly failed my second year.

Since then I've been continuing to get my self better, stable, healthy. Ive been trying to get my driving liscence to gain some independance & freedome. Sadly failed my first test this year. Got my second one coming up! Fingerscrossed.

My brother & his fiancee are expecting their first child next January which I'm beyond excited about. I'm also planning to take the plunge and go off travelling next april. I figured I've wasted so much time already, I need to step up & start doing the things I really want to do, and that will challenge me.

Ive also been thinking about Jobs that I could do that would put what I learned at uni to good use, so it wont have been a total waste. A job thats forfilling and makes me feel worthwhile; something I often struggle with. My top three are, RSPCA officer, A job with in the Police Force, or Working in a Prison.

So thats everything more or less. All updated, & I feel more blogs will be coming soon. Hopefully possitive ones!



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