Another monday so back again, quite alot has happened since i last wrote I went for the first session of EMDR, honestly dont know wether or not it is going to work for me still remain a little doubtful, my doctor has referred me to the mental health specialist at our own surgery to see if he thinks i would benefit from CBT and i think that would probably help. The thing is just going to see someone who has experience with depression and the symptons etc is reasurring in itself. I think talking to someone who is impartial definatley helps.

How I feel, dont feel too bad at the momment dont like to say this but havent had the horrible anxiety for quite a few days now so i hope that was a side effect of the meds and that i have seen the back of it. Have spent sometime this weekend with freinds got my motorbike going and been out on it, had a game of golf done some work in the garden so have been very busy and am now back at work.

When i read that back on the face of it things sound pretty good right now but its still there in the background under the surface, I hope thats where it stays or goes altogether but who knows its like an itch that you dont want to scratch because you know it will get worse so you put up with the itch as long as you can.

One day i hope that i will be doing all the things i did this weekend without the fear of, well i dont know what its the fear off but its there, its just a case at the momment of almost forcing myself to do stuff and i just want to be enjoying doing them not forcing is that too much to ask.

I saw a forum on here the other day from someone doing research for a book. I never replied as i thought the questions that were being asked where a load of rubbish. All i would say to the writter is i hope that they never feel as i sometimes do because i wouldnt wish it on anyone and that to ask some of the questions that were there was at best a joke and a pretty sick one at that.

Love to all jimbo X.