Hi my Tribe…I have been attempting to update for a while now and seem to get side tracked.  Not a bad thing, maybe I just didnt have anything "sound" to say at those moments.  Many things have been going on lately, keeping me busy and on my toes.  I see that I am beginning to make friends, well ok people who are more than just aquaintances or drinking buddys (though I drank alone I would share every now and then…LOL)  I believe there is a balance in all of that.  What I mean is I have never been too clear on what a friend was or still is at times…THat can make me feel very hollow and empty as well as very useless.  I put myself out there for a long time and usually in compromising positions just to get others to like me for everthing I was not…That seems to play a part in trying to figure out who I am and knowing that being "Me " is ok….<br>I had a struggle for a few yesterday with wanting to use.  In less than a 48 hour period of time 2 people I know relapsed…I am glad they are ok, glad that they made it back.  For a little while I just wanted to drink, figuring that since one of the has done this 4 times in the last 2 months that maybe it is just inevitable..So why not just go and get it out of the way…(yeah I know nice thinking)  I made some calls…stayed working, even after I went to OP I came home and did some stuff around here to keep busy.  Just 24 hours…one day…thats all we get and I am ok with that.. I made it though the day and night… I am proud of me.  I also completed 3 weeks of OP thus far and for not missing time in 2 week increments we get $5 gift card as a perk.  Might not sound like much but it feels good ya know?  Today is fairly busy, I have my placement exam at 11:30am in fulton and then I meet with my advisor after that, so I am anticipating being there til at least 2 then I have a counselling session at 3 and then kids are coming from 4 to 7:30pm.  oh yeah and I will hit my 8am meeting, though small I do enjoy it.  I started to get very overwealmed about my exam, I mean it is not like I did not graduate from college 20 plus years ago.. but this is all new to me, and had the potential to stop me dead in my tracks and have me not even go and take it…giving up before I even started…as I looked at the pre test, I sat and cried…there was so much that not only did I not remember but that I prob never even learned, and though I graduated from HS with good grades it was by far apparently not a reflection of what I "Learned" or whatever.  I came to a defining moment when I said "I am going to college to learn, not to show everyone what I already know" I closed the window online and will go and take the test today, I will do my best and when it is over they will tell me what classes i need to take, if any so  that I can "learn" the things I may not have…I can not expect anything more than that…and its ok..To be going back to school at 43 and to have my whole life ahead of me is a pretty big thing…and to do it sober is even better….Lots of love to everyone…Thanks for being there…Mike

1 Comment
  1. jefwheels 13 years ago

     Hey Mike. This is so cool that we get a chance to re-invent ourself if you will. I know many of us that have gone back to school and have gone on to do things that they never would have thought they would be doing what they are doing now. One of my cloest friends is around 50 a little older then me and is now a surical tech working in the operating room. He can’t believe it.  He was a crack head and never though of being this growing-up. He is one of many, Go for it, You may be surprised but I won’t.    Johnny Wheels

    |
    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2022 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account