Hey everyone. Yes the subject line pretty much sums it up. The last time I was on here, it wasn't that long ago but for those of you who don't know my story, I'm really in deep. Had to move into my in-law's house right after coming back from my honeymoon when my husband lost his job, I barley have work, and its been a living hell.
I'm dealing more with Depression these days and I don't like to compare things, but I have a much harder time dealing with Depression than OCD. At least with OCD a Clonopin takes the edge off…but nothing helps with Depression. It just keeps pulling me down deeper and deeper. I have barley any energy, I'm furious all the time, I want to cry all the time, and none of my friends feel like hearing about my issues anymore so I've become quite isolated.
I sleep really late-till like 10-11:00 am and my In-Laws don't like it. They're really old fashioned right-wing people and the father really judges people on their success-especially money. I came up the stairs of the basement today and overheard the two of them talking about me. His father said something like, "Well, I have to go downstairs…but (whispers) I think Jessica might still be sleeping-till 11:00. Then his mother chims in with, "Well, you know Roy you have to check the time now before going down there-she's trying but she's very upset. She only has two classes and she's trying to find work, but when she can't find anything she gets dissapointed." I guess she was giving him reasons for why I sleep late. I HATE that they were talking about me. I'm furious and wish that I could get the hell out of these people's home! I want my old house back, I want to run away and get out of this hell. But there's nothing I can do but what I'm doing now, and I don't think that's enough.
I don't know what to do. I'm in so much pain that I feel dizzy and nausious all the time, especially right now. I can't eat and I feel like I can't move. I'm afraid to let my husband see my crying all the time. He's starting a new job in the city next week and he's going to be around confident, money-making successful women-just like what his father probably wishes he married.