Hey everyone. Yes the subject line pretty much sums it up. The last time I was on here, it wasn't that long ago but for those of you who don't know my story, I'm really in deep. Had to move into my in-law's house right after coming back from my honeymoon when my husband lost his job, I barley have work, and its been a living hell.

I'm dealing more with Depression these days and I don't like to compare things, but I have a much harder time dealing with Depression than OCD. At least with OCD a Clonopin takes the edge off…but nothing helps with Depression. It just keeps pulling me down deeper and deeper. I have barley any energy, I'm furious all the time, I want to cry all the time, and none of my friends feel like hearing about my issues anymore so I've become quite isolated.

I sleep really late-till like 10-11:00 am and my In-Laws don't like it. They're really old fashioned right-wing people and the father really judges people on their success-especially money. I came up the stairs of the basement today and overheard the two of them talking about me. His father said something like, "Well, I have to go downstairs…but (whispers) I think Jessica might still be sleeping-till 11:00. Then his mother chims in with, "Well, you know Roy you have to check the time now before going down there-she's trying but she's very upset. She only has two classes and she's trying to find work, but when she can't find anything she gets dissapointed." I guess she was giving him reasons for why I sleep late. I HATE that they were talking about me. I'm furious and wish that I could get the hell out of these people's home! I want my old house back, I want to run away and get out of this hell. But there's nothing I can do but what I'm doing now, and I don't think that's enough.

I don't know what to do. I'm in so much pain that I feel dizzy and nausious all the time, especially right now. I can't eat and I feel like I can't move. I'm afraid to let my husband see my crying all the time. He's starting a new job in the city next week and he's going to be around confident, money-making successful women-just like what his father probably wishes he married.

3 Comments
  1. telknit23 6 years ago

    It's a tough situation, so just do what you can and try not to let them bother you.  It sounds like your mother in law is at least aware that you're struggling and not just laying around because you're lazy. It's good news that your husband has a job; maybe if he is feeling better it will help both of you. And you are that much closer to getting a better living situation.  Meanwhile, take as much sastifaction as you can from school and working on your art, maybe getting out for classes will lift your mood a little. 

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  2. WildGlitterFairy 6 years ago

    I hate to be the bearer of more bad news sweety , but the Clonopin could actually be mking you more depressed and causing the physical symptoms you have. How long have you been taking it and how much do you take ? If there is one thing I have learned in my journey is that benzos are a faulty bandaid which bring with them a whole host of problems to add to the ones you already have , including depression. They are bad for you and also known to be linked to early onset alzheimers , weakening of your immune system , Depression , and other health issues. I speak from experiance. After 4 years on these meds , I would never go back. It's a fight but I can get up and do things , I don't feel like I am dying and my depression has lessened. You may have heard it before and think its a cop out but excercise , a healthy diet and proper sleeping habits along with the right supplement regimen for you can really take the place of these meds. You have to fight to get your life back but it is worth the fight. It's a battle I am fighting and trust me you won't be sorry you decided to do it. As for your in-laws…give your mother in law some credit , she is defending you to the man she has chosen to spend her life with. Even if she doesn't understand she sympathizes with your pain and that should never be looked down upon. Your father in law is old fashioned and he does not understand what you are going through , he may lack the empathy to see how much your hurting or he may simply not know how to help you so he is frustrated and talking to his spouse about his feelings. We all feel helpess when we do not understand or cannot help someone …before we decide people are awful…we must first understand that our illness does not only affect us but our family as well and not everyone will be able to understand our journey. I would either sit down with them and explain whats going on or ignore it. Explaining may provide some clarity and a support system. Not explaining and letting them will only ensure things remain the same.

     

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  3. BLUESEAS 6 years ago

    Sounds like you're experiencing a generation gap.  People in your in-laws generation were trained from the cradle to keep a stiff upper lip and show no weakness no matter what.  At the same time younger people, like yourself, were taught to be more open.  Sometimes the more senior folks don't know what to make of that and have trouble relating to younger people or seeing things through your perspective.  Being a parent, especially a father, means being a full-time fixer.  Your father-in-law might be showing frustration at not being able to fix things for you and your husband and it accidentally comes off as criticizm.  I wasn't there and this is just a "what if" type of guess that maybe what they meant and what came out of their mouths are two different things.  Also, you may want to see your doctor and get a full panel thyroid check.  Its a simple test but if your thyroid function is off it can cause a lot of the symptoms you are experiencing.  Its not a well known or well publicized type of illness but it can really mess a person up.  The good news is that if it turns out that is what's wrong, its easy and cheap to fix. Best of luck to you.

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