Today, it has really been brought to my attention that I need help. I am very thankful to the person who helped me notice this. You know who you are. Thank you. Now, I have pretended not to care about any of the people around me so that I would be okay with wanting to kill myself. But recently I have realized that I really do care. I admit that I care, but it really hurts. It hurts to be the only one in most of my relationships that cares. I showed my friend my cuts at school in attempt to get help and support from her and all she did was shut me down. My other friend just stared at me with a condescending look on her face and repeated the phrase “are you serious”, and proceeded to ignore me until she left. This is how it has always been when I tried to confide in someone. They shut me down or judge me. I showed my mother my cuts during my most recent self-harm incident and she became very unapproachable and kind of, shut down. My little brother saw and told my father I had “a million cuts”. This led to my dad making me put on boxing gloves and preparing myself to fight him. I stood there as he yelled at me and went from telling me that I am weak for feeling depressed to telling me that I always plot and plan ways to break up him and my mother, and that I think of ways to play them against each other. Apparently both of my parents think I am obsessed with trying to play them, because in the most unthinkable moments, they suggest, no, they accuse me of trying to play them or pull one over on them. They don’t trust me and think that I would do something like that on they daily, yet they think that it is unreasonable that I have trust issues and anxiety. They don’t realize the effect that these accusations have on me. I have been cutting myself a lot lately and I received a suggestion of telling my mother. I am very afraid to do this because of the possible and likely events that will follow. However, I need help. I need advice on what to do. Please help me if you can.

1 Comment
  1. garfunkal 5 months ago

    Hey, did you call that number?

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