So….I was going to post an entry on how last night went, But honestly I was so empty and any energy whats-so-ever and clonked out before I could do so.

o

Anyway, So this is basically how yesterday/last night went. getting ready had it\'s drama, since some people couldn\'t find something they needed or whatever, and mom kept worrying on being late to pick up the others.

I tried to keep myself apart from that since Anxiety was already eating at me. Before we left I took two Valium\'s, Since I knew if I didn\'t i\'d probably freak out the moment we got to the water park.

Anyway, so we picked up Kim,Maddie, and my brother\'s friends. I always hate having to go up and ring the door bell to get them, because I don\'t know who\'s going to answer. Most of the time it\'ll be them since they know i\'m coming,

But yesterday Kim\'s mom answered the door, (she\'s very nice though) and she was very \'happy\' to see me, gave me a hug and all that shit….You know my issue\'s with people touching me or being nice towards me

Though, I forced myself to be nice to her, she\'s Kim\'s mother after all! so anyway, then Kim came down and we left, got Maddie (maddie answered her door so I didn\'t have to see her parents, thank god) and went to get brother\'s friends.

Once that awkwardness was over, there was the car ride. I felt more uneasy because my brother\'s friends were there and I think i\'m worse around guys then girls…i\'m not honestly sure, just people I guess.

I tried not to focus on them, and just listened to Kim and Maddie telling stories at what happened at metro-con and other things, I didn\'t say much during the car ride though, What could I have told them?

About my two months in the hospital? All the shit I do to my body?- NO

So I stayed fairly quite. But anyway, Once we got to the park got our tickets and went it, we had to search though the HUGE amount of people to set up our place to sit and whatever, I kept m head down the whole time.

Once we finally did, everyone took of they\'re shirts or cover-ups or whatever to get ready to start the \'fun\', I didn\'t want to take off my shirt. Again just seeing Kim and Maddie in their swim suits, I knew i\'d look disgusting.

Long-story-short, Mom made me take mine off, Luckily my swimsuit covered all my cuts and burn marks so no one noticed them. and from there on, we started the rides and the lazy-river and wave pool whatever.

The whole time though I just followed what everyone else wanted to do, and would basically hide behind them in the lines, or when walking through the crowds. same like in the big wave people, I\'d followed close behind them keeping my gaze directly on the water.

The rides were fun, I admit but the whole day part of my mind kept me on guard to other people\'s gazes, or what they thought and all that shit. So I couldn\'t just let go and have fun like everyone else.

and when they\'d went to get some ice-cream, I made some excuse to why I couldn\'t have any.

So it went on like that until around 10pm. After the waterpark and we had dried off, gotten dressed whatever- parents took us all out to dinner

GOOD GOD, first thee place was crowded so we had to wait for seats, while doing this we waited in the bar area and got drinks (course we only got like sodas, I got water since we\'re two young to drink, you get my point)

and sat at a long table there, then all these other random people sat there to, these one couple started talking to us, I just looked down and had on one ear-phone to listen to my music.

Finally when we were seated, I sat at the end with Kim and Maddie. again they did most of the talking, but I talked alittle. Kim asked if I was okay, I just nodded my head. Not wanting to ruin the moment.

when time to order I ordered the least fatty, least calorie, just bare-minimum of what the restaurant had. Since I couldn\'t get out of eating that time, I had to but afterwards I went to the bathroom and forced it all back up.

though, Kim and Maddie were in there two so I had to make it as quiet as possible, which I was able to do somehow.

then when everyone was done eating and all that crap we started making our way home, dropping off friends and what not. Kim and maddie said they where glad to see me, and gave me a hug.

I tensed up, but returned the hug. I still feel like they hang out w/me for pity though.

Anyway, got home late and I took some more pills and just passed out, My body was so sore when I finally woke up today (which was like around 1pm)

Though i\'m feeling anxious again because Monday I have my \'shrink\' appointment and Wednesday i\'m going w/Kim and Maddie to Universal Studio\'s for fourth of July…ngh..

I\'m also going to weigh myself today to make sure I haven\'t gained from yesterday…so yeah…that\'s about it I guess.

Still tired so I\'ll see everyone later, Might post a drawing later today. Hope everyone else is doing alright

1 Comment
  1. Mo 9 years ago

    Thank God thats over huh. Good job SBL – you made it thru it.

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