Hi.

Well, once again my life seems to be on the down.

Here’s the story, once again…

My life seemed to be on the up, new girlfriend, new life. The only thing missing was my son, who she has at the moment. (She being my Ex-fiance)

I’ve been trying my hardest to find another job, and to sort out my life. But things don’t seem to be that easy anymore.

Nothing is working for me, my girlfriend is trying to control my life, she goes absent for hours upon end, and doesn’t have any explanation for where she is, or tries to explain herself.

I thought she was different, but it would seem all women are the same. From my experience, she is doing what my ex fiance was doing, cheating. I could be paranoid here, but who knows?

I have always had huge problems with trust, and this is just making things worse. What do I do? End it with her? Ask her? Argue? I don’t know anymore…

Maybe I should avoid women at all costs if I can’t trust them anymore. Only I know when i’m ready, or do I?

I’ve been so tempted to start harming again recently, but i’ve got into the habit of wearing short sleave t-shirts again, and would prefer to have them for the summer.  What do I do as a release?

So many questions going around in my head, and no answers to ANY of them.

Maybe the so called entity a lot of people worship, God can help me on this. From previous experience, he’s never done anything to help the world, or myself. So maybe I say.. "Fuck you, God." and move on?

I’m not getting into a debate about god here, screw that.

I’ve had enough, with no-one to turn to that lives close, what do I do? Just carry on, bottle up and relive what’s happened in the past once again? Or find someone to talk to?

I’m so confused… So lost… I feel so alone in this world, once again.

This is me, signing off, for now.

-GreenSkies.

1 Comment
  1. GreenSkies 13 years ago

    Hi.

    Thanks for your words, I hope I can eventually accept she wants space, but I find it hard to believe she can”t explain where she is.

    As for my son, I do miss him a lot, and can only see him about once a month now, which is incredibly hard for me. I hope I can see him more soon,

    I feel myself slipping again, and I don”t want this anymore, I don”t want to go back to who I was before. I liked being happy.

    Maybe I will find happiness again, and I hope this relationship i”m in does not end.

    Thank you again for your words.

    -GreenSkies.

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