there is a slight problem.

him. the person that i love, & wrote about previously causes so much stress its basically like being in a relationship with him,.. just having him- a phone & internet  friendship that feels like the most intesely confusing & draining relationship ever. but i still love him.

heres the problem- i love him. he says he loves me- he had a gf till today. she dumped him. so whats the problem? well she dumped him cos she saw the messages he was sending to me. & i was sending to him aswell- even so, whats the problem? well apart from feeling like a right dick n that im like the woman who splits up marraiges, the fact that he also has a child with rachel, who is now ovr 1yr old. but rachel is also pregnant with her 2nd child which is very likly to be his.  so- were do i fit in? i dont. yet he still wants me. he wants the mother of his childeren, his now ex gf & me all at once- but in one person.

i told him to forget about me, we’ll be friends, n he cant fix whats happened with his now ex gf sarah. so focus on rachel, his son harvey  & the new baby . he should make sure that the relationship he has with them is as stable as it can be.

i never was first in the relationship. i never will & never can be. he has  childeren. and their mother wants him back. ive always felt there was  a part of him that still wants rachel back.  he told me he was going to see her tomorrow n sleep with her.

he was the power to make me feel on top of the world & also make me want to cut my own wrists.

i dont want to always be second best, waiting in the wings with a broken heart.