So here I am on a depression self-help blog spilling my guts out on what I have been through for the last year. Back in February my fiance and I decided to go separate ways after an 8 year relationship and 1 child between the two of us. After a couple of months after we were very angry at eachother and were trying to work out the details of our separation but eventually things began to come together again, so I took her to Europe to see my family in Denmark and we had a lot of fun!!! When we came back it was less fun because she then had told me she started seeing someone else shortly after we broke up, and that she was pregnant with his baby, the best news one could ever hear right!! The rest of that story is her business so I will give her that respect even though I dont feel like she deserves that. Anyway I moved back home for awhile to get my shit together but that never happened, so I came back to be with the kid, but we all know I came back to see if things could ever work out. Over the last several months things between us never went smoothly because for me she kept that guy in her life and I dont see that as workable.  In other news my uncle and grandfather both died in October, and my brother of 36 has an illness no doctor can figure out and its looking grim, and I can not ever seem to find a solution to my relationship with the baby mamma!! Sorry, little humor… the month of March became the boiling point for all of this and I broke down heavily going to the ER… everything seemed grim and dark with no way out. Since then I have been medicated and beginning to see the light of day again, but with many struggles to come. Why am I sharing this you might be wondering…. well my answer to that is we all like a good story to read to compare our lives to. Although this seems devasting to me… I know others out there may have it worse, life is a learning experience so I just chose to share mine with you!!! I look forward to meeting new people on here who share similar struggles as I do with depression, we all have to stick together!!

5 Comments
  1. murph 11 years ago

    please feel free to write or freind me or whatever.  5 years ago i had a perfectly happy life, marriage, job etc.  and now this whole year i've been battling with suicidal thoughts.  1st i got hurt on the job and lost my career.  while studying for a new career and on comp, my marriage ended. she moved out a year later.  then i fell in love with a friend who helped me through the divorce and she dumped me, then my mother died.  the pressure of the whole thing was unbelievable.  anyways, your many bad things happening at once reminded me of my row of bad luck.  and also how quickly life can change from fairly normal to out of control.  write back if you need to.  take care murph

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  2. Soldier_of_Rome 11 years ago

    Hey Murph, sounds like its been a busy time for you as well!! Thanks for the comment, it goes to show that we are not alone and it still holds true that when it rains it pours!! I hope everything works out for you, and I know that unbelievable feeling you get when it all merges together. I have been working hard on not focusing on all the bad stuff, life is an experience whether good or bad. Having said that I hope this is just the very bad portion so I can get to the positive portion of it… Lets get some popcorn and sit back and watch how this plays out. I am here if you ever need to talk, take care, we are brothers and sisters in arms!! Keep in touch!!

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  3. cgf 11 years ago

    Hey soldier, thank-you for responding to the blog I wrote  today.  I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time with your child's mother.  I don't understand why people can't get along. 

    I do not want to force my love on others', because in the end, they seem unhappy and I certaintly do not want to be co-dependent on a lover.  Too easy to get "let down." 

    I left my ex-boyfriend over 5 months ago after an 8 yr.relationship with him…takes time to find ourselves again when we live alone.  But it also gives us the opportunity to discover who we are regardless of others.

    Some days I just rest my mind, body and soul….

    Don't know you, but love you and you are definately not alone!!!!!!

     

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  4. Soldier_of_Rome 11 years ago

    Hi CGF… you are so very right, in everything you mentioned, I have been told over and over again that time heals all wounds!! Now is that time!! A time to find oneself…. Funny that you mentioned something about resting the mind, body, and soul… It reminded me of a book I had been reading, titled "I'd Rather Laugh." This lady goes through some really hard times, but gave advice on how she deals with things. Basically when she becomes down and out, she clears her schedule for the whole next day, will then grab a bag of potatoe chips and hide under her covers for the whole day. During this time she lets it all come out so she can just deal with it, crying, anger, sadness, etc. then by the next day she is up and at it again with life and everything. I know know why, but that just reminded me of that. Yeah life is a learning experience, its good to know that we have a band of brothers and sisters out there working against grain!!! Have a great and wonderful day!!

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  5. conflicted 11 years ago

    Thanks for sharing your story, we all have a story I guess, some worse than others, only in others eyes of course. We all here are looking for something, someone who understands, who can try to see the positive in our negative worlds…something…I hope this site helps you, as for the short time I've been here, it has helped me. At least help me vent so I don't have to tell anyone in person…where drama may occur…anyway, just wanted to say hi, and thanks for sharing your story:)

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