Feeling a bit blah. I can't wait til the holidays are over. I have spent the whole year busting my ass for my bosses who are also person "friends" and they cut my hours big time. At the begining of this month before Christmas no less! I am just sick of working for ppl. I put in my all for eveyone and get shit on. I am going to be scrounging to pay my rent and my husband doesn't go out and find a job to help out. He is disabled but is released to do light duty. If he could get a part time job it would help so much. He says after the new year. In the mean time I'm totally stressed for money. Luckily before they cut my hours I had worked enough to have money to buy gifts for my kids. Not that any of that is important or a priority when times r tough but I wanted them to have a little something. As for the rest of my family I just told them not to expect anything from us cause it's a Charlie Brown Christmas for us. I don't care if ppl are hurt or offended. I could give a shit. They don't pay my bill so fuck em'. I've been feeling so stressed and down these days. I guess it's normal for the season but I hate it. I feel so discouraged.

When I started my job 2 yrs ago I was so happy, invigorated, fullfilled… now I just feel discouraged, like a failure, beaten down. I want to tart my own business sometime in the near future cause I just feel like I have so much to offer. I work with mentally disabled kids/teens and it's been wonderful. Even though I've been bitten, kicked, pinched, head butted, scratched etc. I have learned so much and have learned to defuse and understan these kids and why they do what they do. THey need ppl to advocate for them and I want to do that as much as I can. In the 2 yrs I have been working in this industry I have seen so many wholes/flaws in the system and I want to help change that. It's something I feel so passionate about. I hope that I can do something about it sooner than later. I have even been taking classes to get into the system and just educate myself further about the industry. I have a ways to go but I know I will get there.

In the new year I have decided to go to college and get a degree in business and something in behavioral science. I have been trying to go back to school but because of things happening all the time I just never was able to. I told my husband I'm doing it and thats it. No more fucking around. He has been one of the main things holding me back and I'm just not going to allow it anymore. I could have had a degree by now had I followed through and just gone to school when I signed up 4 yrs ago. Oh well. No sense in crying over about what could of, would of, should of happened. You live and learn, right? Well Just needed to vent. I'm just feeling so down. Well if I'm not back before then eveyone please try to have a good amd safe holiday. TC all and lots of love and hope for the new year!