Today was okay, I suppose. A little stressful but okay overall.

Instead of doing the same thing over and over again for 6 hours, I was given a break in the form of death certificate filing. Yes, I enjoyed it. You would too if the alternative was scanning voter information into a database for 6 hours straight…

On that note, let me put this out there. One guy’s card said that he was self-employed. His title? "Artifical Inseminator". Any ideas? I got like two but the one is crazy…well, they’re both sorta crazy…

The only negative things that happened today involved my Gram and my weight, as per usual.

Weight-wise, I think I’m doing okay but I can’t stand eating anymore. I haven’t eaten since 5:30 today and before that I ate at 1:00 and before that I had only two granola bars. So really, I haven’t had much and I’m hungry again but it’s after 9:00. I refuse to eat though because it makes me feel bloated. Even just a little bit of food makes me look huge and feel it as well so I am going to stop eating after 5:30 from here on out. I’ve even cut out breakfast in favor of two granola bars spread out between 10:00 and 12:00. I don’t know what’s wrong, I can barely eat a single thing without filling up and I don’t mean no longer feeling hungry, I mean about-to-bust full. I know I should probably see a doctor about it but I just haven’t felt up to going yet, it’s such a hassle now that I spend most of my day at work.

The situation with Gram is a bit more stressful. I don’t think she likes me very much sometimes. She’s, at the very least, jealous of me because I’m in college and she never even got to graduate from high school because she got pregnant and married at like 17. So now I’m the lucky grandchild who gets her jealous anger. Woot?

Because I work in town, I go to her place for lunch. After two+ weeks of seeing her for an hour every day, I’ve had about enough. She finds a way to insult me almost every time I’m there. No matter what I do, she calls me spoiled rotten and she’s mean about it, very emphatic, and I think her aim is to make me feel bad. Instead, she makes me mad and right away, my mouth starts running at about a million miles an hour. I can’t help how I was raised but I’m nearly 21 and I can help how I behave now and I’ve changed. I don’t appreciate everyone in my family calling me spoiled because my parents were the only ones who had any sense. If more women in my family worked like my Mom did, maybe they’d have more than they do relying solely upon their run ragged husbands. They’d definitely have more if they didn’t spend their money on cigarettes and/or alcohol and/or drugs. But most of them screwed up early in life and drink or do drugs or have other expensive vices and get into trouble. Compared to them, I do look insanely spoiled but I’m not rich and probably never will be and have no problem with working. They’re as aggressive about it as they are because they wish they were me, not because they think my life is bad and I let them know it now, I’m not stupid.

And yeah, I’m mouthy/opinionated. I’m definitely "new school" and that makes them mad, too. I think that whole, "You’re younger so shut up." crud is just a defense older people have. Things change and they don’t always know what is going on and so if you dare to challenge them, some of them freak out and my Gram is one such person. She’s controlling and calls everyone younger than her a kid. If you disagree with her, you are automatically wrong because she has always believed herself to be highly intelligent. So she has yet another reason to knock me.

In the past week, she’s picked at my brother for his eating habits which I agree aren’t great but look…he’s 18. Drop it. I’ve told my Mom about it and now I’m done. Cut scene, that’s all there is. She’s also called me spoiled and won’t give me any credit for growing up. Oh, and she’s praised her lovely Melanie, my nearly 40 year old cousin who is also jealous of me. According to Gram, she’s "really smart"…apparently I’m not…even though this woman’s favorite adjective is "retarded" (in a very snotty accent, btw). Get this…this woman has called me retarded for the following things: working out at Curves (I lost 30 pounds), moving to New York for college (I love it), and majoring in Web Development (she claimed there were no jobs available and that they paid very little; I’ve found jobs as close as two hours away and ones that pay between $60,000 a year and $120,000 a year). Mind you, she’s never had a real job. Not once.

And you know what? I think she does it on purpose. She knows that my Mom and I don’t like her but she makes it a point to brag about her and knock us every chance she gets. She even went so far as to say that my cousin is a "great Mom" while my Mom is a "bad Mom"…and yet neither of my Mother’s children ever ran away from home. Go figure.

Besides all the aforementioned, she’s also said that it’s "not necessary" for my brother to drink two cans of soda at lunch despite not having had anything to drink all day (we take lunch at 1:00). And again, I agree with her on it not being healthy but the kid is thirsty, I can’t make him go all day on one can of soda. And yet when I bought him a bottle of soda so he wouldn’t drink too much of hers, she said I didn’t have to do that…so she wants to force him to drink one can there and then go back to work thirsty rather than let me spend my money my own way. Whatever.

Then she complained about our garbage and asked us to take it home with us so she won’t have to pay extra for ours to be removed as well (whatever).. And then today, she basically scolded me for trying to turn her TV on yesterday while she was gone (she left the door unlocked for my brother and I for lunch) and accidentally hitting something wrong. She has this complicated setup that she can scarcely run herself and I apparently didn’t turn the channel correctly or something and messed it up so that she or my cousin had to fix it. I didn’t mean to, geez…the way her eyes got big and hard like they do when she’s mad and her tone of voice and phrasing indicated that she was really mad about it. She was picking at her nails too which is something she does when she’s irritable and something is on her mind. You’d swear I threw a rave while she was gone… Her attitude wasn’t necessary.

Yeah, some of the stuff isn’t that big of a deal…the garbage thing I can undertand. The soda issue was a little nuts because my cousin used to drink ten times what my brother does and if he doesn’t drink the whole bottle during our one hour break, he takes it with him. But still…it adds up, the constant complaining and arrogant behavior and mean attitude and remarks.

So tomorrow I think I’ll just have to be "busy" during lunch and go somewhere else. Screw it, I can only take so much condescension and so many insults before I need a break. And yet she still thinks everyone should drop in and spend hours talking to her…it’s never occurred to her that she can be really mean and hard to get along with and that it may prevent people from visiting. But with me, I think it all comes back to jealousy because she complains that I’m spoiled but so is she and my cousin, they never had to do anything and bossed people around all their lives. I think she listens to me so little and insults me so much because she knows I’m not dumb and is threatened and angry about it so she tramples on me and I don’t deserve it.

*deep breath* Alright, I think I’ve ranted enough. XD


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