I have really been loving life these past few months but now it is time for me to go home.  I'm not sure what that word really means anymore.  I have been spending some time studying in Italy and I love it here.  I love the people and the culture, the language and almost everything about it.  I wish I could stay here forever.  I get really anxious upon leaving anywhere I go.  When I left home I got really upset and wierded out and I'm afraid the same thing will happen again.

The thing is, I know that I am terrible at leaving places.  It is ridiculous, for weeks I will pack, unpack, repack stare at the wall, cry, be frustrated, repack, cry until I can't take it anymore.  I am a better person now, I am much stronger than before, I think I can finally say that I have kicked my depression in the butt and its gone, at least for a little while.  I haven't felt depressed since the summer, though I wouldn't say I'm all the way there, I still feel really insecure about myself all the time but I'm getting so much better.  I've learned so much about myself.  I never want to leave places…ever, I tie my heart down to a location and can't let go.  I'm not having a super hard time yet but I leave in two weeks and I'm worried that when the time comes for me to untie and let go that I will completly loose it and worse colapse back into my old problems.  I know this is pointless worrying but sometimes I can't help myself.

To make matters worse, there was this really important form that I was supposed to turn in and of course, me being the really unorganized person that I am I didn't turn it itn.  Grrr, I'm so bad at that kind of thing.  Hopefully the grace of God helps everything to work out again.


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