Today I did an increase on the Abilify and I have hopes that this will be the medication that helps me to turn the corner back into somekind of normal, whatever that is.  It is a new medication for me and this is the first increase.  Seems like it is working for me.

I am a 'mixed manic' and even tho the depression is there, I am still showing many signs of being manic.  It is awful to have such a short temper, being so bitchy, and being diven inside to spend, spend, and spend. 

Went to the grocery store today, with a list and I am so happy to share that I stuck to the list, and didn't just aimlessly wander through the store, throwing in all kinds of things that really were not needed.   Was a great feeling when I got home.

I count my victories because I work hard to reach them.  They don't just happen for me.  I have to plan, think, get prepared to win the war in my mind.  I do love winning, I might add.  Sometimes like everyone else I just blow it and there is nothing I can do to fix it.  That is a dangerous stop for me.

I wish I could share this kinda happy feeling inside that I have tonight, it is not a manic happy, but more of a calmness or peaceful feeling inside.  It is neat, and I like it.  This has been a very long heavy manic period for me, for almost a year.  Tough pull, but I think the worst is behind me.

If I could share one thing with everyone right now it would be:  keep moving forward, never give up.  Everything changes….. do something now that makes you feel better. 

 ~ Selene


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