What if you worked hard all your life, never got addicted to drugs, didn't drink, stopped to help people in need, and even though all of it seemed to go fairly well, you find yourself again in the deep do do… haha

What if you find yourself not "sick" per se, but more accurately "afflicted" by a physical condition that is not reverseable. In fact, by all outward accounts, you are quite solidly on a track of general decline. And because of that fact, working every day, 8 hours plus commute, is not possible anymore.

You can write about it, so that other people might read it and have insights. Every single thing I might imagine in my life, that is, every single idea or belief, has been either challenged or completely flipped 180 degrees. Things I suspected but dared not say, have come to pass as true. In fact, anything you can come up with, has already been done a thousand times already.

If you are lucky enough to have money, save some. There is most likely a time you will need it. Better yet, convert worthless paper into something that will retain value. Learn survival skills for all eventualities. It's a little humorous, but from all accounts on YouTube, I better buy a boat. A big boat.

I always try to remember that it's not important what happens to you. We are just a speck in the big picture. Not even a speck really… What's important is how you deal with things that come up in your life. Some things just cannot be predicted. Others can. You can see them coming at you like a freight train down a tunnel… I once talked to a lady about bubbles. How she seemed to have one, and how it worked for her… I was against the idea at first, but on second glance, it does have its place, at times… like when you need balance, or privacy or peace and quiet.

My bubble is in my room. When I come in here, I am safe. I do not worry about the world so much. Mostly I can create things, pursue my ideas, write and read. I love to learn things and now anyone can learn most anything off the YouTube. I have my own dreams and ideas. And even at my age, i am not the least bit hesitant to start a new business or learn a new skill. It may serve me or it may not. It's just my thing… what I like to do.

So even if the world is in chaos, and many things seem out of control, just remember, it never was in our control. We can only control ourselves. I find the greatest comfort in knowing that. Because in knowing that, we also know that no one else can interfere unless we let them. The more we hone our own skills and our own mission in this life, the better it all plays out. Really.

Learning to fight depression has been a frightening journey of self-discovery. But fear no longer defines me. I have come that far. When you let go of fear and learn to take calculated steps forward, everything improves. There are no mistakes and no coincidences. Friends are vital. Love is everything.

I have tools. Music for one, art for another. Reading is critical and spending time outside in nature, and alone in quiet contemplation always helps me cope. One lady told me once, "never ever forget how to play and never let anyone try to stop you from playing, no matter how old you get…"

After all the hard years of working full time and commuting hours at a time, it seems I cannot afford to pay the taxes levied on the land and home I bought. I will never give up, and I will sell every single thing I own if it takes that. But I also have several ideas to work from my own studio here, and make things I could sell. Art is art. Maybe someone will like what I do. I figure if it makes me happy doing it….

Tonite the animal rescue ladies contacted me with a nice young man to adopt one of the three foster kittens I have raised this spring. Tomorrow I have to ride out to the shelter with my roommate and take care of business. They don't know how hard something like this is for me, and I don't explain. I'm just glad I could save an innocent animal's life and now she will grace her new guardian with joy and amusement and a lot of love!

Sometimes you have to focus on the good that you do, and not so much on the challenges along the way… We all just do the best we can… really… and even when terrible things happen, it is always important to be strong, be tough and be kind… Compassion in all things, to all creatures… great and small… good night!


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