I just wish I could be normal or at least a version of myself that did not have such bad anxiety. Any little thing can set it off. My daughter is away with her dad for the weekend so I am alone. I got up this morning, ate, and went to pick up dog food. A rather lazy day which normally I am not ok with but today I was doing so well. I had something to look forward to. I was seeing my best friend when they got off work. Time goes by a little slow but nothing to bad.We were supposed to be meeting up at 5, but then I get the text they are canceling on me. Legitimate reasons but still I am hurt and cant stop crying and immediately the room feels likes it closing in on me. I was in the middle of working out and as soon as I got the text I felt like I couldnt do anything, couldnt move, just laid there in the middle of my floor. The thought and fear they are lying to me comes to mind, always comes to mind because I dont trust anyone. Now I sit on my couch not knowing what to do with myself for the rest of the night. How do I get thru it. I had planned my whole day around being able to see them. I feel so depressed and out of control.
Why cant I handle these without breaking down. I know its not the end of the world. But yet I cant seem to control my reaction. I cant get a handle on just being OK that sometimes plans change and its not a personal attack.
People everyday deal with things much worse than canceled plans and handle it so much better why cant I.

1 Comment
  1. taralee35 4 years ago

    Hey there-
    I just read your blog and wanted to share. I have bad anxiety, which until a couple of years ago, I had no idea what it even was. My anxiety is sorta similar to what you wrote about. I am a people pleaser to a fault and if i feel that one of my friend’s is upset with me, it sends me into a tizzy. Like you said, I basically have a break down about it. I realize that it is irrational thoughts, but I can’t get past it. I wish I could have a normal reaction, but instead it becomes what I focus on and can’t get past.
    I have even pushed some friendships away due to my being over sensitive. I guess one could say that if they were really good friends, they would stand by me, but that is a whole other story! LOL
    I just wanted to reach out to let you know that you are not alone with your feelings.
    Tara

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