I am so depressed. I am so angry. The post partum depression is here. I feel so sad and alone. I have no patience. I feel like I am going crazy. These meds either are not helping or have not had enough time to help. Either way, what am I supposed to do. I cannot just take some quiet time for myself. I have an infant and a toddler to take care of. I am so overwhelmed and so out of my mind. When they are both crying, and I can\'t help them, I feel like I am going to go nuts. At that moment I feel like it will never end. I feel like there is no answer, no out. I just want to be happy. My kids don\'t need to see mom in tears and screaming all of the time. I feel like a bad mom because I can\'t just keep it together. I should just be able to handle it. I should just be able to deal with it. Why does it consume me. Why am I so powerless. Why am I so scared to talk about it. I tell my doctor and Seth that I am sad or anxious, but I don\'t go into details. I don\'t tell them the extent that I feel this. I am scared. Scared they will think I am crazy. Scared someone will take my kids because they think I am crazy. All these illogical thoughts. All these illogical emotions. It makes me angry on top of it. I have a beautiful three week old baby that loves me so much I am the only one that can calm her from her tears and I can\'t even be happy. I can\'t even be joyful in this joyous once in a life time experience. I ruin so many things for myself. One day I will look back and regret all this time I spent crying and having anxiety attacks and wishing I spent it playing with my kids. I am robbing myself of a normal life every second of the day. I feel so fucked up. I feel like my head is so trashed. What is so wrong with my brain that I can\'t just do this. I want so much more than to just get through life, I want to enjoy the experience and at the end be able to truly say that I tried my best and gave my all no regrets.