First of all sorry for not having a post yesterday. I got preoccupied! Lately things have been going pretty smoothly. I've been thinking a lot about my past and how much I have accomplished in the past few years, and I am so much better than before. I still have many things to work on, but this is all process. Life is a process it isn't some set package.
Anyways, I've also been thinking about some things in life I'd like to experience and do. One thing I've always wanted to do was swim with dolphins. I know that sounds very corny, but it is truly something I've always dreamed of doing.
I wouldn't call myself a religious person, but I think I am spiritual in the sense I feel more in tuned to nature and animals than anything Biblical if you know what I mean. Ever since I was a little girl I was always so fascinated with the ocean. I guess The Little Mermaid kind of sparked this humorously enough. I've always been intrigued by it and the beautiful creatures who call it home. I became even more in touch with it back when I visited Hawaii. There is a fantastic show on Maui called "Ulalena" it is a Cirque de Soleil type show celebrating Polynesian culture and their mythology (how they are one with nature/weather/ocean). After I saw that spent nights on a quiet beach under the stars. It was so peaceful. It was in those moments I felt a part of all that was around me. I felt free and liberated. I know that sounds a bit loony, but I don't know. Hundreds of years ago before technology,politics, and etc life seemed more meaningful. People celebrated simple joys and were grateful for the beautiful things that surrounded them. I would love to go back to Hawaii and spend some nights on that beach again, hopefully next time I go I can share it with someone special. I really went off on a tangent there, but I love dolphins. I think they are incredible animals that are a representation of how I want to be and feel. They family oriented, friendly, playful, protective, fun-loving and intelligent. I'm not saying I want to be a dolphin now guys, but hopefully you understand where I am coming from.
Another thing I've wanted to do is get voice lessons. I've been talking about this for years, but I have yet to have the courage to go about this. I love to sing. I've never been choir or had any experience, but I think I do have a good voice that with development and training could be very good. My mother was a singer (not famous, just locally) and she always played guitar and piano growing up. I've been around music my whole live I play the flute, so I know quite a bit about the subject. Singing is something I've always hidden from my family though. I guess it was being an only child my parents made huge deals out of anything good I did and that embarrassed me so I kept it quiet. When I started singing for friends they were always surprised that I could sing.My parents still don't know I can sing really…I don't know I mean I don't want them to make a big deal out of it! I don't want to do this voice lessons thing because I want to make something out of my singing , but as something I'd like to do for myself. Singing is something that else that makes me feel free. My anxiety gets in the way from getting voice lessons though. I'm worried they'll think I suck and I'm just fooling myself, but it's their job to teach so why should I worry? I really should just do this though. I'm kicking myself in the butt for not doing theater or choir in high school, and I know I'll feel the same way about this before too long. I know you're told it's never to late to do things, but I think it is too late for me. I know I said I don't want to make something out of singing, which I don't, but of course there has always been that small dream to be sing in musical theater or something just for fun though not for a career. I feel like I'm too late for that and with my anxiety being this high…who knows. I shouldn't say that, thats negative self talk right there at it's finest. Thats all for now, and so I'll leave you with this video/song thats been in my head the past few days from the Legally Blonde Musical (don't laugh). I think the song is kind of fitting and it really describes how I feel now just trying to break free from stuff that I know I am better than.
I acknowledge myself for expressing myself through song today.
I am grateful for the sea, stars, and all that is beautiful that surrounds me.