Im terrified, surrounded by people but still very alone
So much to talk about but so much silence spent
Why should I share how scared I am why should I let them know whats going on it would create worry not support?
I do not want to be treated like a sick person. I have so much Love to share but everyone is so busy with their lives Im not a part of it
I want to reach out I need a hug I need to laugh as much as I can and live large.
I am alone in this fear because I am afraid to share it I do not want to anger anyone and I do not want to confront it. I am trying to shove these fears into a chest and lock them away but as the days go by and I think about all the people I love and how far we have grown apart I fear I will not get to make up that lost time…will they ever know how much I think about them, how much I love them.
Why is it that I refuse to share the full details why is it I try so hard to ignore what is going on I want nothing more than to progress and live my life. I am so close to independence and so close to a life of my own.
I love the world Because of those in my life who make up my world are fantastic. I wish I were in a place where I had the abilities to take control, work, drive and be able to see those I want at my will and to not feel like such a burden when they have to go out of their way to see me. I am not happy that me being a part of some ones life is an expense to them I want to alleviate that trouble and have been working hard to do so but now I am terrified it will not happen fast enough and my efforts will have been a waste.
To me the world is full of terrifying things. People, society, nightmares, afterlife, myself, the list goes on.
The best thing I could do is to laugh, to see how ludicrous everything is. Trying not to take everything too seriously.
Yeah My family is the kind who would rather not hear it and if u start telling them things they treat u like ur dirt or a pain. They have often gotten mad at me when I have tried to talk to them because they dont understand no matter how hard I try to explain or have a heart to heart
Thank you every one for ur comments
And with having ptsd it becomes harder and harder to share what ur feeling especially sometimes when it is based on very delicate and traumatic events that have happened.
Also the people in my life dont really understand the anxiety thing either so it makes it hard to take it a step further.