Well, as I was sitting here wanting someone to say a little prayer,…….I realized i was going ot try to do that blog an day thing………opps, messed that one up now didn't I?
Anyhow, I don't like asking for thoughts and prayers for myself necessarily, but can't ask for advice either. Please just say a little "PLEASE KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL FOR HER" when you say you prayers tonight for me.
I never realized how much time people spend being sober/drunk/cognative/dumb/etc. Nothing against the people I am havign a picnic with tomorrow afternoon, but I am having a hard time getting the courage to enjoy myself now, just knowing there will be booze there.
Nope, there is definately NO desire to drink, I take that day to day, but the "gotta have it" is gone, YEA ME!!! Anyhow, we will be having a pig roast, and a few years ago I would have thought nothing of it, but a guy said today the fun in the pig roast is sittign around drinking while the pig is cooking……well, I just met the guy, so he doesnt' know me from Eve, so he didn't realize I couldn't care less to hear comments like that….But for some reason, I felt compelled to say something……but because I just met him, I didn't. I wasnt' going to go on a tangent about this that or the other thing……..because I will find my own things to do while there, like everything else.
Anyhow, so I don't know who to ask for prayers for, me for sanity or some obnoxious person that for some reason I feed off of and depending on the situation depends on if I argur a point or not……..I know I know, no sense arguing with a drunk, they wont' rememeber it anyhow……..but sometimes it is TOO fun…especially when you can remind them in the morning what they did or said…..
Too much anxiety for tomorrow……thank for listening ot me vent.
Love Lots, Kaiti
Thanks Geeter and Doc.
I know I have the strength in me to not drink, but Doc as you said, it's the almighty tounge that gets me into trouble. The difference in my loose lippedness when sober as opposed to when I was drinking? When I was drinking, my brain had that little voice that said, UH OH< WILL YOU REGRET WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU ARE SOBER AND SE THEM AGAIN? Now, I just let it roll on out and to hell with what they think if they don't like it.
I think I surprised alot of people that didnt' realize how much I really drank. I hid it well. I wasn't a bar fly, I pulled things out of my butt when it came to reality, and I put on a good show. I feel like an idiot when we are sitting around and anothers house and someone ask me if I would like something……I politelydecline, as most of the time it's someone that doesn't realize NOOOOOOO DON"T DO THAT
I'm not a social butterfly in that aspect, unless I am in the kitchen, then I can bark orders and do alot of things to that effect, so I have my game plan layed out that I am getting there in about 2 hours and getting the macaroni and cheese made, pasta salad, and for added measure to keep everyone from getting on my last nerve, I made a quadruple batch of Chocolate chip cookie dough…….and when all else fails, its' a hunting club, I can go wander out in the woods and get lost for a little bit and enjoy the sounds of squirrels barking at me, mosquitoes buzzing me, and then wonder if I'm going to be attacked by the mutant deer or bear that decided to wander around the woods that day too…oh yeah, and cant' forget all the stories of the Jersey Devil too! HAHA, oh it's looking brighter.
Prayer for today-Dear Lord, Please remind me when it's a good time to just SHUT UP and walk away. AMEN
Love Ya Lots: Kaiti