Not one day… not one day can go by where I\'m "normal." If I\'m not pissed off at the world, I\'m fighting back thoughts of just ending it, or staying in bed crying (which I try not to do publicly, but the people at my work love to watch me cry I guess [they think i\'m a hypochondriac so they like to test me]). One day I hate my life and everyone in it, the next I\'m happy go lucky. I\'m done… I\'m done with the physical and emotional pain. In the last week I have probably eaten 1 full meal, other than that I just either can\'t eat… or I throw it up (which happens more often than not) I\'m exhausted… physically and mentally. My chest hurts like someone is sitting on it almost all the time, my heart likes to beat funny which hurts too, it makes me never want to get out of bed…. I\'m so over putting my loved ones around me through this as well. Until I was in a cohabiting relationship did I really realize what I am doing to people around me. I only see my boyfriend on the weekends because he works out of town during the week… and for the 3 nights that he was here (this weekend at least) he pretty much cried himself to sleep every night. It\'s not fair to him in any way shape or form. I love him more than words can explain… I just don\'t know how to get my stuff under control so I can really show him. He is normally very understanding… but it comes to a boiling point sometimes and he just breaks down… and then I break down and it\'s a whirl wind of emotions between the two of us. I just don\'t know how to make things better… the only answers I get are oh you just need to get over it, go find a doctor (which is not an option because I have no insurance) or stop being such a bi*** about it everyone has problems. Trust and believe I KNOW THIS!!!!!!!!! I just don\'t know how to help myself! I don\'t know what to do……


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