I don't know what to do anymore. I dont know who to talk to, who to ask for help. Who to believe and who to trust, who to hide from. I don't know how to put my feelings into words, I don't know if I should get off this medicine or stay on it. I don't know if I should end this now or suffer through it. I don't seem to know anything about myself, i don't know if I should quit cross country, I don't know which training method I should use this year, what shoes to buy, when to buy them. I don't know if I will submit this post. I don't know if people care about me. I don't know if I should wait till my appointment or go to the office tomorrow. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I am annoying people or making them mad, or if I'm sorry or I'm upset and angry. I'm not sure what I should write my paper on, or when I should start writing it. I don't know if I should try in anything anymore. Or if I will get my picture taken by Debbie or sharol. Or if I should talk or not talk. I'm so unsure of everything. And for the very first time, I'm wondering if things will ever get better. I want to be happy. Like the good old times,but was I ever happy? I can't remember. I'm stuck in my own mind and I don't know how else to get away from myself. What should I do? Will hurting myself release the pressure? I've never tried. I'm afraid to, I've always been the good kid. Who follows all the rules and I do all my homework. Gets good grades, participates in tons of extracurriculars. I hate myself. Won't that make me better? I don't know. 🙁 I miss my friend. I don't know if he wants to talk to me anymore. Either way, I will never be angry. I want the best for him. I want my mom and dad to realize that I love them. I want to live. I will live past this for my parents, my brothers, my friends, my teachers. I am strong. I am confident. I am lying to myself. I love everyone and hate everyone. I care and I don't. I am at loss for what to do. How will I get up in the morning and act like I am fine?

1 Comment
  1. blueyes36 8 years ago

     Feathers,

    This may seem like some of the worst advise you have ever recieved, but sweetie you just need to breathe!!!.. You need to stop with all the decisions on here that you are pressuring yourself to make and just breathe… There are too many things you are putting on your plate for tonight. All you need to do tonight is just make it through to the morning in which you can call your counselor and doctor and make an appointment and talk to them. For tonight, just breathe and be okay.. just for tonight.. and if that works… then do it for tomorrow!

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