For the longest time, I guess I was clinically depressed. But for the last couple months, I have been feeling quite good.

Last week, I paid someone to clean the house. It at least took care of the downstairs living area. Cleaning the house was the best thing that has happened around here in ages. I guess it was a protection mechanism. I didn't want people to get too close to me after getting dumped, and I solved that by keeping people out of my home. But this was no way to live in sobriety. It was time.

So with the downstairs clean, I was motivated to do so much more this week. Daron (my 8 yo) was on Spring Break, so I worked from home most of the week. Steve (my 24 yo) took my car to work, so I was truly housebound and I actually didn't mind. Normally this would have driven me crazy, but it was comfortable here so I loved it.

I cleaned my desk. Apparently it is made of wood. I always thought it was constructed entirely from piles of paper, but I was wrong. It's actually kind of a nice desk it turns out.

Then Daron and I baked oatmeal cookies. I only got 2 of them because as soon as they were out of the oven, he had them on a plate and he was out the front door, passing out warm cookies to all the neighbors. I even called the neighbor that was in the hospital. She didn't get a cookie, but it raised her spirits to get the call and hear that we missed her. I got kind of warm and fuzzy from being selfless for a change.

Of course we couldn't feed the humans and not feed our “outdoor pet” Squirrelly. She probably smelled the cookies because she was right at my door. She is such an agressive animal, I'm always afraid she's going to climb my leg if I don't give her the food fast enough. She was a little afraid of the camera, so I was able to get pictures of her. If she hadn't been afraid, she probably would have been in my lap.

My friend came back and cleaned the upstairs this weekend. Apparently my bedroom has carpeting! Again, like the desk, it had been so long since I had seen it, I didn't know for sure.

And then she asked me to sponsor her! You would think when she saw what a mess my house was, she wouldn't want what I have. But here's the really important part: I did the housecleaning INSIDE my soul first. And I did it with the steps.

I'm happy today. It came first, on the inside, before the changes took place on the outside. I was happy inside, so I finally dealt with the house. Being happy made me clean the house; cleaning the house didn't make me happy.

This same week I had yet another unexpected financial situation come up. I'm not going to talk about that. Who cares? It's only money. It's not that I can afford it any more than anyone else around here … in fact, it will have some far-reaching repercussions … but it will NOT be my focus. What happened was not my choice. How I respond to it is. Period.

I hope everyone had a splendid weekend and enjoyed whatever holiday they did or didn't celebrate. We did an egg hunt and an Easter basket, but that was it, it was pretty low key. The boy always needs more sugar and stuffed animals, right? :biggrin:

~Suzy