I am so angry right now, I can't type fast enough to get this out of me. I am in love with the most selfish person in the world. I have never met a person so self absorbed in my life. I have loved you more than I have loved myself. You are toxic and you have drivin me crazy. My self confidence has gone down the tubes. Majority of the time I question why I continue with a person who only loves themself and no one else. I tried to save you from your selfish ways, but I guess I'm not the godess that I thought I was. I make decisions to include you and you make decision to exclude me. Some days I want to scream and cry other days I want to lock my self in a room and never come out. You put me on this emotional rollercoaster. I don't want to hurt myself, I want to hurt you. I want you to suffer like I do with your mind games and your hurtful words. I want to be free away from you, but I know I'm all you have. I know you don't have anyone in the world but me and that makes me sad.  I get angry with myself becasue I can't let you go. I want to run away from you and never look back. I did it once before and stayed away from you for 6 years and you pulled me back, and I didn't want you back.  I looked into your eyes and saw our son eyes, and I felt like you were still apart of me, because you gave me the reason why I wake up evey day. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the love I once had for you. Now I love you out of pitty because you have lost your loved ones and all your friends have turned on you.  I  thought I could love you like I did a long time ago. But now my love for you has turned into hate and anger, and I have turned into this MONSTER. I can't blame it all on you because I allowed you to come into my life, when I had my Sh-t together and I allowed you to knock down these walls of success and accomplishment in my life.  Now I hate myself for allowing you to poision my healthy way of thinking. I want you to go!  How can I tell our son Mommy made a big mistake forgive me and lets just forget about Daddy, when I know I don't want to forget you. Yet, I want to love you. I hate the person you've become and I hate the person I am. I hate that I love you.

1 Comment
  1. cham3leon252 15 years ago

    wow what a paradox…like they say there is a thin line between love and hate i can relate to this because i was the person at the other side the self centered selfish bastard then life took a twist and made me realize i dont have time to write on this blog but if you want message me and ill tell you about it because it sounds very similar to your situation.

    0 kudos

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