My first appointment with the counselor went pretty well, I think. I had to wait a long time in the waiting room, and I really thought about just getting up and leaving, but I’m glad I didn’t.
When he asked what I wanted to get out of the counseling, I told him I wanted to evaluate my realtionship and try to figure out if I’m responding appropriately to the things that happen within it.
I talked about H most of all. I mean, aside from the ‘intake’ questions that he had to ask, that’s pretty much all I talked about. I just spilled my guts, and I’m not sure how much sense I made. But he seemed to get the jist of what I was saying. His opinion? I’m in a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship with an immature person.
Shit, that’s what I was thinking, too! But it’s easier said than done to just up and leave someone after seven years. I’m starting to see that leaving is really going to be the only option, but it sucks hardcore.
It doesn’t so much suck for me, but the kids like him. Especially my daughter. My son probably couldn’t care less if we split up, other than a sort of ‘Here we go again’ kind of teen angst-y attitude. But like I said, H and I have been together for seven years, so it’s not like I jump around. I just predict that’s how my son would react because of the divorce between me and their dad eight years ago.
And I have to admit, I don’t look forward to being alone every night. It’s not so much the sex aspect of it, but just having no one there to talk to or sit with. Really, even with H there I don’t have anyone to talk to. He really doesn’t listen to me at all.
But in his defense, I was worried over being interrogated for nothing. He didn’t do that. He asked a few obligatory questions and left it at that, as far as questions about the actual session. But he did spend the next two hours or so talking about himself. He does this A LOT. Then he said, "Thanks for listening to me. I don’t have somebody that I pay to be a good listener. "
WTF was that? I found that to be rude, but I didn’t say anything. What would be the point?
One thing the doc told me was that I have the RIGHT to not be questioned to the point where I’m uncomfortable. I have the RIGHT to say, let me think about that. But H usually wants an answer NOW, and it has to be the right answer, you know. The one he wanted.
For example: Last night, he went out for a while with his friend. He came back to the house and said they were thinking of going out again after dinner. They were fishing or something.
Then he says to me, "What do you want me to do, stay home with you or go fishing?"
My response was that it didn’t matter to me and he should do what he wanted to do. But see, that wasn’t an appropriate response in his mind. In HIS mind, I needed to choose one option or the other. And we got into an argument over it! Can you believe it? So finally, I just said that I wanted him to stay home.
So he said, "See? was that so hard? It’s like pulling teeth to get a straight answer out of you!" And he continued to pick at me because I never give a straight answer. So after listening to this for few minutes, I said, "The straight answer was that I didn’t give a shit what you did! But that wasn’t good enough for you! So I said I wanted you to stay home!"
"So when you said you wanted me to stay home, you were just blowing smoke up my ass?"
"Sorry, but YES! My answer to your question was unacceptable, so I gave you one that you would accept!"
Then we both got quiet. Then we went on with our night like nothing happened.
See, I know what his deal was with that question. He gave me two choices: either tell me you want me, or reject me outright. Nothing in between.
He does that a lot, ask me a question and tell me, when I start to answer, "It’s a yes or no question, I don’t need a speech. Just YES or NO. So which is it?"
I guess he thinks I talk too much.