Ok so I guess some background on me…..I've battled depression off & on my whole life. My family life growing up left a lot to be desired. I joke that my family put the “fun” in dysfunctional but it's not really funny. I thought escaping them would make it better, but they have a way of getting to you even when you're not living with them. Currently I'm dealing (or rather trying o deal) with a whole pot of different things. My youngest, my baby girl, came to me last summer. She was 10, in shock, white as a sheet. My sons “used to be” friend had been sexually assaulting her for months. The morning she came to me, she had fought him off, he tried to rape her. She spent the night hiding behind a chair in our living room. I asked why she didn't come get us then and she said she was too scared. This jerk was 15!!! 5 yrs older than my baby. & my daughter doesn't even look 10, she looks more like 7 or 8, she's not even 4' tall where as this cretin is like 6'4″. And because he's a “juvenile” he's getting an easy punishment with his record sealed when he turns 18?? Why? Even the judge was disgusted, saying he stalked her and that his actions are indicative of a future predator, but as it's juvenile court his hands were tied as to what he could and couldn't do. Meanwhile, the day we were reporting what happened to my baby, my middle son got hit by a car. We got called from the highway patrol. It was bad. If it weren't for the top peds. Ortho dr he could've lost his leg it was so bad. His knee was dislocated, and his femur was broken/shattered in parts/ and fractured up his leg. It looked like a jigsaw puzzle on the x-ray. Now he has a metal plate running down his leg with a bunch of screws holding it in place to heal. One would think that's enough right? No apparently we needed more drama, my dog, my beautiful choc. Lab 'Sugar' died 2 weeks before the school yr started. She was 11 so she grew up with my daughter. She was crushed. As if she didn't have enough to deal with. Now I just found out my oldest, who is 15, probly had sex. I just can't deal with all of this on top of everything else. I try to be strong for my kids. I try to be there for them. But I'm running out of everything. I feel like I can't breathe. I'm having anxiety attacks daily. I cry all the time. My meds aren't working, but I'm afraid to say how I feel because of how I get treated. Like a fragile glass vase, who gets carted around and yet smothered at the same time. Ugh!

  1. borntired 10 years ago

    Yikes. Are you. seeing a counselor. Sounds like you. could all use family counseling too. Right now I am the main one seeing the counselor but he sees my husband once a week. Is there any activities or responsibilitys you. can drop while you. and the family heal

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  2. ItsJustTooMuch 10 years ago

    Yes, I'm in counseling, as well as my girl. My hubby goes with me sometimes when he feels the need to vent. It's just, sometimes I'm afraid to express all of my feelings. I'm afraid of what will happen. But at the same time I'm not being completely honest, with anyone. I don't want to be coddled, I don't want to be patronized or dismissed, I want to be taken seriously but I don't know how to do that. And now it's like I can't breathe, I feel like the walls are closing around me. I just want it all to stop.

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