So, I was out yesterday. Okay, it was with my mom, but at least I was getting out. I usually don't, so don't judge.

Anyway, we'd been out for about two hours and I really think my depression just hit me. All of a sudden I could feel tears running down my face. Of course, my mom gave me one look, shook her head, and looked away. I'm usually a very quiet crier because I'm secretive about it because I hate crying and really hate when people hear me or see me crying. So, we rode for a while longer and she asked if I wanted to be dropped off at home. Usually I tell her yes and I go back home, but instead I told her no and went about stopping my tears, mainly because I just felt strange riding around in the car and I'm crying for who knows what.dizzy

So, we stopped at a store, which I hate going into and I stayed in the car for a moment to make sure I wouldn't go in the store and fresh tears would start up. So, I'm sitting there and the next thing I know someone knocks on the window. I look over and it's a girl. I have no idea who. I roll down the window, wondering what she wanted. I thought she was probably just trying to sell something. Instead she says, 'Don't be sad', and gives me a flower. So, I'm completely stuck with my mouth hanging open because nothing like that has ever happened to me. Well, except when a guy gave me a free CD just to see me smile, which I also thought was strange. The girl had already walked away, so I couldn't thank her. I always thought I might look sad sometimes, but do I really look that sad when I am?

So, then my mom comes out of the store and is looking at the flower I put on the dashboard and looks at me, waiting for me to say where it came from. I didn't say anything, which I think annoyed her because she didn't say anything else until we got home. Then I was sad because I didn't thank the girl who gave me the flower and because my mom was annoyed. I need a place of my own, living at home is a whole different experience.

I'd say I'm definitely in a depressed state.




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