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So everyone knows how i’m feeling right?

It frusturates me when people say "I understand how your feeling".. How can someone understand how i’m feeling when I don’t even understand it? I don’t understand myself, yet others understand me. I should be supprised, but i’m not. No one gets me. I’m just this stupid girl who knows nothing about anything.

I didn’t get on yesterday, My internet was playing up. I forced myself to go out to a friends for a BBQ on sunday, I really didn’t want to go, yet i felt obliged to go. I was a downer on the group, and I couldn’t wait to leave. I hardly cracked a smile the entire night.

I’m thinking I might have to go back on my anti depressants. I can’t stay like this for too much longer. I’m going to end up in hospital, or dead. I don’t know.

I’m seriously concidering dropping out of classes. I can’t handle this. I can’t handle anything right now. I didn’t go to classes today. I made up some BS story to mum about how it is still holidays at TAFE for today. She believed it. I don’t know what i’m going to do about her.

I have an interview with my probation officer and another officer tomorrow. They want to get me to go to a "Sober Driver" program. I’m sick of being forced into things I don’t want to do. I don’t want to do ANYTHING. I’m quite happy to sit at home an just do nothing but sleep. but NOOOOo I can ‘t do that. Everyone just will not get off my back.

I snapped at my sister today. I went to kick her in the head. She was sitting on the floor, and she threw her jeans at me, and it stung as the belt hit my arm. My reaction was to kick her as hard as I can. I really wanted to hurt her. I’m so angry, and it’s coming out with me being snappy and doing things like that. I’m going to hurt someone. I just hope that its going to be me.

 

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