Pressure. I am very tired of pressure. Sometimes I put it on myself. Sometimes its just there. Other times the world puts it there.

Right now I have a lot of financial pressure. We have been trying to pay off our debt. We had nearly $90k in debt if you dont count the house mortgage. This month its down to $84, not bad for 3 months. However, now the husband has been fired. I am not yet working since I had wanted to get us all moved in and settled before I looked for a job. He will find one but in his career it usually takes him several months to a year or so to find a job. I am feeling a lot of pressure to find a job and in a hurry.

I'm feeling pressure to finish unpacking. I just hate living with piles of stuff and stacks of boxes everywhere. Its hard to do anything, find anything, its hard to feel comfortable at home and to relax. Ugh. Everyday I work on it but somedays I just dont get too much done. Its been tough too since the house is a bit smaller than the last one. Donation pile time!!

I am just so damn tired. Yet right now I know my husband needs my support. He has never been fired or out of work before and its really hard on him. He feels like a failure. The kids are worried and it would make them feel so much worse if I were to show worry too. I'm trying so hard to make everything at home seem as routine as possible while trying to heal from surgery, heal my heart/head from depression, and cope with all the things that have happened.

On a good note, summer is coming. That means more nice weather and sunshine. That always helps me and I am hoping that it will once again. I am just deep down in my bones weary. Not sleepy. Just physically and emotionally exhausted.


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