i go home on tues for thanksgiving break. things are okay. i haven’t done any work in a week but, i guess ive just been counting down the days till i get to relax. things really help. materially things, not like shopping or spending sprees, using what i have, making things myself, redoing old things around the apartment. Am getting a new roommate. Hannah, chinese exchange student living here has not been happy, she’s been in a bad mood for weeks. she snapped at our other roommate a few days ago for nothing. friday she started talking to me about how going here almost ruined her impression of america, "americans are insincere, liars, unfriendly, the area is not sophisiticated and technologically advanced" I did not know what to say to here since she is leaving school, for california, but how can you say that to someone who chose to come/stay here. it felt like vieled comments on me and i asked if she feels that way about me. she said yes. i asked for examples if i needed to apologize for something(im not a perfect roommate, but ive ALWAYS been there for her) she had no examples, but I started to cry, she was so cold, calling me a liar, incencere, i’ve told her things i have told noone else. i always was there to help when i could. it felt like a slap in the face, she looked at me with this cold heartless face, she said "im always cold" and left. this was all going on as i was making her a "surpise" going away present. i felt like she slapped me in the face, I know this semester has been hard for her, but she was talking her unhappiness out on me. I wont talk to her ever again, she is dead to me.

"Friends" have gotten better, eventhough they are not trustworthy, im included more. Not as anxious as before, just….alone. hannah is moving out tommorrow and i hope we get a new,,, nice,,,,cleanish person to replace her right away.

thing that has me up in knots….neil. i knew him for a week went on two dates with him, all looked good, went to the football game, got smashed. he took me to a party at a friends house. was so much fun. i am very attracted to him. woke up the next day though, realized i had blacked out and we had sex. after i apparently told him i didn’t want him i wanted "adam" an ex from highschool….who i in no way like at all. he was distressed, pissed up, we talked, he knows what i want. I don’t want to think its over. sshould i try and reach out to him? acknowledge that there has been a lot of drama but thats in the past and i still want him. i waant something, i want a guy, i want somewhere to be there for me sometimes. I don”t know if i let it go…or try and reach out….his ego obv is not in the best shape since i  told him i didn’t want him after sex….but that was not me….that was blackout jenna. i do want him. i want something. advice 


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