I wish I could just quit everything. I'm so sick of life. I've got all this shit going on in my head and I'm coming down off a caffeine high which is making my normal anxiety attack that much worse.
I feel like I have so much work to do. A big thanks to my DAM professor for giving me the project sheets for our first three assignments weeks before the actual work is even due. I mean, that doesn't make me feel at all pressured. What a good fucking idea, waste two hours of my damn life by giving me 3 weeks' worth of assignments to contemplate you jackass. If she wasn't prepared for that class, she should have just cancelled it or called it early instead of trying to drag it out for the full two hours.
The bf is upset too, he's constantly struggling with anxiety, unidentifiable illnesses, and all sorts of shit. He's a total mess and he looks to me to help him. I try giving him tough love sometimes but then he gets even worse. It makes me hate life even more.
I feel behind, I feel pressured, I want out. I want to cry, I need help, I'm breathing too fast and I can't take care of him and myself at the same damn time. I'm sick and I have no one to take care of me, no time to heal, I gotta keep going and I am so fucked up right now. I'm sick of my bf constantly being sick, constantly being upset. He thinks he hides most of his problems from me but he sure as fuck does not.
How do two fucked up people help each other? I keep thinking that I didn't study enough, I didn't work enough, I should do more. And yet I'm afraid because I won't have time to rest tomorrow again, I'll have to make it through really crappy classes while being entirely exhausted yet again.