I'm 33 years old and I've been suffering from depression since I was 12/13 years old. I received some counseling when I was younger but at the time the Dr I was sent to just didn't fit well with me. She was patronizing and down-talked me a bit, since then I've been hesitant to return to any kind of psychotherapy. For one, I don't want to be exposed to that kind of environment again (it almost did more harm than good) and two I don't have the money.

I have tried to talk to the people in my life about the way I'm feeling. One of my friends has been in my life for over 20 years. In her mind I have never been depressed and I don't know if its just cause I was so good at masking my feelings or if the depression is just in my head.

I try to talk about my feelings with her but I get blown off sometimes – if I hear the phrase "I just don't get it, what's so bad" one more time…hearing someone so close to me say that really hurts. I feel brushed aside and blown off.

The problem is that when people say they don't get it, I interpret it as they don't get me, for me the feelings I have and myself are one in the same…maybe its because I've lived with it for so long.

Right now I am feeling more and more anxious, depressed, you name it especially concerning my family and friends. Strangers aren't a problem, I don't expect THEM to get me and there is something nice about the lack of expectation.

Because of all this I find myself withdrawing more and more, I'm almost to the point where I am about to write off this 20 year friendship.

Is that really me saying that, writing that? I sound like a selfish asshole 😛

4 Comments
  1. am3ient 9 years ago

    hi blue, the best thing to do is go get it treated, depression left alone is just going to grow and dig in deeper and be harder to treat, try not to focus on the people around you and just remember whats important and thats to get feeling better, . youve taken the first step by reaching out here and we are all here to support you 🙂

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  2. Mia09 9 years ago

    It is hard for people who don\'t have aniexty or depression to understand how we feel. They want to understand, but they think you should be able to just shut it off, which we wish! I have found with some of my friends, that some of them make me feel like I\'m a broken record. Then I have others that listen and tell me they are sorry for me, and that is ok, because sometimes I just need to vent. Maybe you should tell your friend that your feeling worse and even though it has been going on a long time, that you need her. Good luck don\'t give up.

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  3. coolbeans 9 years ago

    Hang in there. I think a lot of people with depression/anxiety become very good at hiding it or dealing with it however just to make it through the day and a lot of people don\'t realize that there is even a problem unless you confide in them. I know that I have had that experience myself, a lot of people are shocked when they find out that I have trouble with anxiety and depression.

    I hear you about some of the things our family and friends say, I don\'t know how many times people have said to me \”Well, just stop worrying about it.\” That makes me want to be uber sarcastic and just say \”Oh! I wish I had known that years ago! I will just stop worrying about it and I won\'t have anxiety problems anymore! Thank you!\” lol. It\'s not that easy.

    At the same time, I would cut your friend some slack, it is hard for others to understand sometimes. I would take a little break from her if you need to, but I wouldn\'t quit a 20 year friendship over it, but that\'s just me 🙂

    And you don\'t sound like a selfish asshole, hang in there and take care of yourself.

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  4. deepblue 9 years ago

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful comments! Everyone here hit on some of the things that bother me and some of my very own desires.

    I agree, I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I guess what I\'m looking for is more empathy from the people in my life, this isn\'t a new phenomenon for me (I\'m a broken record too).

    But you guys have brought up an excellent point, if people who have anxiety and depression have trouble understanding their condition then its no surprise \”the normals\” have trouble too.

    Thanks again for response, I needed that.

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