For context I don’t have a good home life I’m currently 16 no school no job. mom passed 7 months ago from liver cancer and When I was 5 my dad gotten into a fight with my mom and I don’t remember what happen but I remember the screaming and slamming doors and the fear in my mom and so on that night torments me forever and ever.  it’s so bad that when I worked for my old job at a pawn shop one day my boss was yelling so I kept a solid face and said “sorry sir” and when to the next room when the storage room was and sent a picture to my friends of a loaded gun and said I’m sorry bye and put it in my mouth. At this point I was done with life and almost did it but I didn’t because in the passed I tried to OD and it didn’t work and then I took the gun out of my mouth because I remembered it would work but I would probably be alive but braindead so i put it down. my coworker came in and didn’t see I had a gun in my mouth and I he told me what happened and I told him take me home I’m quiting and this was not the first time my boss did this he had many of times he did this also made me work 14 hrs a day 7 days a week with 50$ a week and didn’t even pay me for 5 months (he stopped paying me after my mom passed) so it sarts I was working overtime 7 days a week and no money to pay for things I needed to like Netflix and Disney+. After telling him on the first month of him not paying me I asked him for my paycheck and he said “what do you need that for” I told him I need to pay for my subscriptions and also need spending money if I need to fix stuff in my room he replied with “that’s teenaged bullshit” and didn’t pay me so out of desperation I told my dad he was not paying me and needed money to pay off my last bill for Netflix and Disney.  He was ok and gave me the money to pay it off however because my boss was driving my dad to work (long story he was Marine vet and won’t give him citizenship) I had to keep working with him and often my boss threatened to drop me and stop driving my dad to work meaning my dad would lose his job and we would lose the house. So out of desperation I kept working day after day working overtime and getting yelled at for not working good. It got so bad I started drinking heavily at the Neighbor with my dad and getting wasted every night (also I was 15) and one night I got drunk and called my middle brother  (I have 2) after walking across the street to my house. (who had moved out after mom’s passing) and after I called him he called dad and dad came to the house pissed off because I was not supposed to tell anyone I was drinking and he kicked my door open and told me I was fucking stupid (and I am) and I need to wake the fuck up because if my boss finds out he will fire me and we will lose the house. After he was done yelling he slammed the door and I went into my closet and started cutting and and tried to OD but I called 911 and was sent off to a mental hospital for 3 weeks after that day I ended up In the mental hospital 3 time with each Time him saying “I’m only hard on you because I know you can do better” I hate saying this but anyone who says this is trying to manipulate you. But back to current day I left the job and my dad found someone to drive him to work. However it doesn’t end there. After I when to the mental hospital for the last time I came in late at night and after they checked me in I when to bed but not being able to sleep I thought why is this happening and when I thought of a book. and thought “my life is written out” it had to have been I was a writer torment character I was written to be a mistake and was made to be tormented from when I was in school from the beginning I was a character that will be written off when it’s all done it will turn to nothing not black not white no afterlife just unexplainable nothing the end over. I have left alot unexplained but the story explains why I believe I am fake I’m self aware I’m fake I’m a character In a book and I can’t leave. I have truly lost all sanity I’m fake.