I haven’t felt like this in a long time…I haven’t been on this site for about a year. Im slipping up a bit when it come to curbing my depression.

It feels as though no matter how many baby steps I have taken to recover, this disease will always be apart of me. I have only just come to that realisation. Its a lonley world….when all you have is your own soul. No one to rely on, fear of getting too close to avoid the turmoil of losing those you love.

Im in a really scary place. ( definalty not rock bottom or suicidle). But in a place where i question everything about our humanity…..the anger i possess toward this crazy world is something i know i will always live with. I feel as though eveything we live for, everyhing we do is being controlled by greedy corporations that suck us all in, entertain us, and then prey on our ignorance for power (at the sake of what!)

No i dont believe im being paranoid…I just know that alot of my pain and sadness comes from straying from the norm and asking the questions that we as human beings so firmly guard…..in order to survive mental disturbance…….

There is a huge part of me that keeps me from resenting this pain as I should… I dont wana be a sucker to the corporations….. I wanna hold the dying children of poverty, throw my self in front of innocent familes under fire in iraq, burn all the drugs that the lost souls have turned to…. and teach everyone to not be IGNORANT to the facts of what this ugly ugly ugly world has become.

I know that all sounds a bit heavy….and If i want to have mental strength I guess I’ll have to search for the beauty in this world….like untouched nature, animals living with dignity, gestures from deeply kind people……and faith that we will all wake up from this zombie like dream….this world is in trouble… and it is breaking me down