I am finally ready to tell my mom about my depression. She is changing as a person to a more understanding and happy person. So I think after 3 almost 4 years of hiding it I can tell her. Here is what I plan to tell her in an e-mail. Even though we live in the same house I cannot bring myself to tell her face to face yet. so here is the e-mail I am sending her. Feedback from everyone is welcome as always:

I am finally ready to tell you this. But you have to promise not to talk about it to me outside this e-mail until I am ready. If you tell Glen what follows in this e-mail that is fine but let him know the same rules I will lay down for you apply to him and anyone else you tell. First here is the testI took less than a month ago: (I will put the results of a depression test I took here.)

This is not new to me. I've known I have had some form of depression for over 3 years now. I've been trying to get up the nerve to explain it to you for most of that time but I was scared of how you would react. Now you are changing and I don't know how you will react but whatever your reaction is please only respond by e-mail. I am not ready to talk about any of this face to face yet. And when we are in person I would prefer it if you pretend you never got this because that is what I am going to do.

There is alot to tell you…or maybe not as much as I think there is but I need to take it slow and only talk about bits and peices at a time. Please try to understand what a huge leap this is for me and e-mail me back whenever you want to. Take as long as you would like. But I have jumped off a cliff and you are either going to let me fall to the ground or catch me, but I feel like I can finally trust you and that now you might understand that Depression is not a fad or just a feeling or synonym for sadness but that it is a disease that is always there following you like a shadow and we who suffer from it suffer chronically.

I also realize there is no Doctor saying I have Depression so I might seem crazy to you but I know my own my mind and emotions and I can tell you that I know I have had Depression for the last 3 years.

Sorry to burden you with all of this especially near your birthday but If I don't tell you now I may lose the nerve for another 3 years.

~Taysia~

So that is the e-mail I am going to send her. I don't know if I am looking for approval or feedback or just letting all of you know that I am finally telling my mom- a battle I have fought with myself almost everyday- but since I am not sure what I am looking for by telling all of you this just say whatever you feel or don't say anything at all. I guess I just want to know that someone might know what I am going to do before I do it.

Lets hope this helps me more than it could hurt me!

And just because I have never said it before thanks to everyone here at DT for being so supportive it is because of all of you that I am finally able to do take this step-now just because I've said that no one get any ideas about me leaving because I don't see my being "cured" any time in the near future =)

~Taysia~

=)