Oh my brain hurts.my anxiety is high and i just want to feel my mind at ease.this constant worry..constant impulses..constant repetitive thinking..its all so overwhelming and i feel like im drowning.i dont know what ever caused my ocd..im talking..cleaning hands every 10 minutes..disinfecting everything cleaning everything all the time over and over..things needing to be a CERTAIN way.it runs so deep and its all so much.the way something can bother me and the way i feel gross…the extremes i will go to.and how everything around me seems absolutely disgusting.i have recently developed a problem with food…and i hardly eat anymore.Everything seems so nasty..who's touched it?did anybody do anything to it?where did it come from?where was is packaged?all the things made to produce food…were the machines clean?the persons hands? (Oh my god,thoughts-please stop it i can't take it.i am exhausted.)Anything could have happened during any moment.and i wouldnt know…it could be from the store…a restaurant..a fast food place..even a friends/family house…i am always….grossed..out..i just want to NOT care! My brother stayed at my place for ONE night and the whole time im making him wash his hands after everything he does…he has to eat a certain way..sit in certain places..just i mean im constantly nagging and not only him…but like everyone i know thinks i am so…weird….i feel super Annoying. And what i hate most is like people think im annoying and will get aggravated but they dont realize how upset i feel with myself already for worrying so much about everything..and having to tell them to do something..like wad their hands..whatever it may be…i get so depressed and i hate myself because ugh they just dont get it.i am just tired and i feel like i have no support here..with people around me..and i feel overwhelmed and hopeless.and annoying.oh..and a little hungry..considering everything i try to eat i lose my appetite.its getting so..bad..sometimes i feel like i just cant keep handling this.its too much.my brain beats me.and my will and motivation dissipates because the urges are too strong and i will never control myself or the way things make me feel.Why am i like this and why isn't it more simple to find something that will help me.