I have literally this second just signed up – part of me is really nervous about letting out what is going on in my head but the other part of me is really excited about getting to know people who are experiencing similar things! – Please just tell me that Im not alone, because at the moment i feel as though I well and truly am and that nobody understands!
5 years ago I had my first panic attack, I was a happy-go-lucky, didnt stress about anything kind of girl. a week later I was taking 20mg of Citalopram a day and been given 3 months off work – for which I just curled up and let the day go past. 5 years later…I am off the tablets (dont know whether its a good thing) but I just dont feel right. I constantly feel like im in my own bubble, I am disconnected from the world around me and my own memories and emotions. I cannot get excited, I cant laugh without trying – I am just constantly anxious and fear the worse all the time. I fear the fear and cannot be in a room without planning my escape route and what I will say to anyone that sees me.
I am at university and in 4 weeks I am going to work abroad for a month!! – I flew a couple of weeks ago and had a horrendous panic attack on the plane – i was tempted to go and make the pilot make an emergency landing!! So, I am petrified of getting on a plane again, inncase the same thing happends. Or what if I completly lose my mind when I am away?
I am obsessed with thinking of dying, it scares me so much it is ridiculous – i am constantly thinking of the worst case scenario all of the time and it is driving me insane!! Does anybody else feel like their mind is just going to flip any second and that will be it?!
On the outside i appear a confident, smiley, happy person – on the inside i am screaming!