Im so scared. Im losing myself more and more everyday. It seems that I am not safe within my own mind. This deep,dark, suffucating, vioent, and abusive black hole is breaking me in half, taking away my sanity. And I just want it to go away and leave me alone! I get so depressed, angry, and sad all at the same time that I lose it completly. Today I lost it again…and this time I drove home screaming and crying, ran inside my house, grabbed the sharpest knife we had, and cut myself. I havnt done this in over 2 years…I cant belive I went back to this level. I always cut my legs, not my armsso that they can becovered and invisable under my clothing. I dont want anyone to ever see it or id get made fun of. I wanted to overdose again. So bad. Im glad i didnt. LAst time I over dosed I was scared and regretted it. Im lucky I didnt need to go to the hospital. It took me forever to recover from it. Cutting helps ease my crazy rages to hurt myself… I dont want to kill myself, but at the same time I do when im in these moods. Im scared of losing my senses. When im high im okay, but when im sober it gets super bad. I hate it. I feel so alone, and when Im not keeping myself busy this dark hole comes to get me again! Im stronger than it is at the moment, but my body still is being pulled by it, and im holding on tight to all ive got to keep myself from it, but im exhasted. I wish I could be safe from this. Im getting so many crazy thoughts. I just dont know anymore…

1 Comment
  1. TravisParks 7 years ago

    You like thunderstorms?  Really?  You have something in common with the coolest person I know.

    Catherine.  Catherine really loves thunderstorms.  It wasn't always that way though.  The first time she ran into one she nearly lost it.  Was afraid to go outside for weeks.  Was gripped with terror every time a dark cloud passed over head.

    She overcame her fear.  You can too.

     

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