It's 10p and quiet here. I'm not sleepy, despite my evening meds.

What do I have to show for today? I watched church TV and got a boost. I love this pastor and the worship. When he made the altar call, I cried. I felt better.

Felt alone today. I was alone. I would like to be respected. I would like 1) love 2) more love 3) trust 4) more love. Like SARK says: "hug yourself. kiss your shoulders and tell yourself how much in love you are with yourself. Roll around in bed with yourself for 10 minutes at first, then 20." I like hugging myself but feel silly.

I wrote in my journal. Not much to write about. Made a To Do List I probably won't do.

Talked to Aunt jean for an hour. My uncle is dying. He's been on the verge two years.

Paid my rent. The apartment manager was rude. Worried about his terse disposition all day.

Had PC problems. Called Tech Support. Was on phone 3 1/2 hours trouble shooting Internet Explorer.

Ate too many carbs and blood sugar spiked. now it's too low. Got dizzy and fell getting out of my chair.

Got invited to a party Wednesday night to watch the debates.

Watched Revenge.

Now I'm on the Net.

I've been isolated in my apt for a while. I remember in AA not to get too tired, too hungry, too angry or too lonely. Words to live by.

I have a fantasy that I'm married to a Prince from Monaco and we live on a horse farm in upstate New York. He plays polo. We live like Gatsby and Daisy. Today we're sailing from St. Tropez to Greece and I'm looking good in a bikini.

I'm being bullied by the mailman who is a woman and a 400 pound resident. I briefly wonder if anyone likes me? When I feel lonely I get religious. All I need is God. Doesn't matter what others say; I can't control gossip. This too shall pass. The Prince and I are having dinner with Nacho Figueras who adores me.

Eli threw a touch down pass. He's not my type; I know Eli from when he was 5. How do some people's lives turn out so well and others get garbage poured on them?

Been sitting in this chair too long. What's in store for tomorrow? Breakfast, lunch and dinner. TV for sure.

The prince and I say good night all> Wanda

3 Comments
  1. sadviolinist 9 years ago

    Hi Wanda! I'm sorry I've been absent for so long- computer issues. But the computer's fixed and now I'm able to talk with you all again. I'm so glad ~ I've been so lonely without my Dtribe friends!    

     

    So you're still having issues with the mail-lady? Grrrrr…that makes me so mad! I'd like to give her a piece of my mind!

     

    I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely.  I wish I could come visit you and we could go out and have coffee or lunch together. I think a lot of your unhappiness comes from being alone too much and having so little positive contact with other people. I have that difficulty too when I'm not working a few days a week ~ I get down and sad and unmotivated, and then it's really hard to shake off.

     

    I love your Prince and your horse farm in upstate NY.  I wished I looked great in a bikini ~ I gave that up after being pregnant and my belly got covered in stretch marks and the pounds that never came off, lol.

     

    By the way~ I LIKE YOU!!! You're sweet-natured and kind and a good friend. Don't worry about the people who are ugly to you~ it's not a reflection of your character or worth, it's a reflection of them and the way they perceive the world around them. Inside they are very unhappy people, and more than anything I think we should pity them instead of allowing them to make us feel like dirt.

     

    Let me know how Greece is!

     

    love and hugs always~ Key 

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  2. Depression_Guru 9 years ago

    WOW what a great post. Thank you.

    I finally reported the mail lady(?) to the Post Office. They were responsive and took action against her. I also reported her to my resident manager. She is as sweet as pie to me now. I can't believe I got so down over that but she scared me really bad.

    Thank  you for the kind remarks. I like you back.

    I do stay inside way too much. don't have mcuh to do and I don't feel good everyday. We could meet for coffee and lunch. I'd like that.

    Been thinking about a job, but no way am I consistent everyday. I do feel lonely and sull. My cousin visited from FL and all I could talk about were meds, psychiatrist and depression. I used to be so vibrant and plugged in.

    I take Lamictal now and can really feel the effects. I'm weaning off Seroquel and don't feel as drugged.

    I'm glad you got computer fixed. That's my link to the world.I don't post on DT much. If I don't answer right away, that's why.

    I've written several friends today and can't remember who I told what! If this is repeat, my bad. Let me hear from you. HUGS Wanda

     

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  3. Depression_Guru 9 years ago

    WOW what a great post. Thank you.

    I finally reported the mail lady(?) to the Post Office. They were responsive and took action against her. I also reported her to my resident manager. She is as sweet as pie to me now. I can't believe I got so down over that but she scared me really bad.

    Thank  you for the kind remarks. I like you back.

    I do stay inside way too much. don't have mcuh to do and I don't feel good everyday. We could meet for coffee and lunch. I'd like that.

    Been thinking about a job, but no way am I consistent everyday. I do feel lonely and sull. My cousin visited from FL and all I could talk about were meds, psychiatrist and depression. I used to be so vibrant and plugged in.

    I take Lamictal now and can really feel the effects. I'm weaning off Seroquel and don't feel as drugged.

    I'm glad you got computer fixed. That's my link to the world.I don't post on DT much. If I don't answer right away, that's why.

    I've written several friends today and can't remember who I told what! If this is repeat, my bad. Let me hear from you. HUGS Wanda

     

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