Derick showed up…  I didn't want to let him in…  But I figured maybe he won't act stupid.  Well he did. 

 

I found myself  in a sate of acting immature.  Kept telling myself to stop it…  But the more he talked the more I wanted to act up.  So I just kept my mouth shut… 

 

Then he had to show off his new jacket with his name on it, like he is this very important person…  Which I was just about to say something like "Oh I see you got a new work jacket, that's cool!"  But he made it a point to show it off, and that made me mad…  IDK why…  I mean I was happy for him but its like let me do it on my own terms…  If that makes any sense???  And i wanted to go off on him, but I didn't.  I kept my cool.  I've almost got that under complete control.  But I go into this sate of feeling like I am being backed into a wall.  And lashing out makes me feel better.  But I haven't done that in a while.  I can stop myself and say NO, don't do that…  So now it's like I just don't talk because it feels like I am choking. 

 

I felt bad for being mean to him…  Then he has the nerve to say is it just me or are you acting diffrent…  Which I know I am, I can see that, and I don't know why I do it.  I try really hard to stay in one state of mind, but I can't control it.  It depends on my situations.

 

Then he says something about how he was going to order pizza for the employees at work because they were doing such a good job…  And that he worked the best out of everyone today.  And that made me nervous.

 

Then he said he Oh I just see you are having a shitty day just like me.  No, my day has been ok.  I'm tring to find the good in things now.  And yeah I had a few bad things happen today but I also had a few good things too…  Then he laughed. 

 

So Cirena made him leave, and he said to her oh it's okay I know she will call me tomorrow…  No…  I'm not…  LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

misery loves company right…  Well I'm tring really hard to get rid of that company!  :\

 

Ugh and I know I am weird why do people have to keep reminding me…  My stomach hurts a little bit now.

 

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    If you do not learn some assertive techniques, you will be miserable.  You allow people to walk on you.  I can't imagine anyone being happy doing that.  Are you in therapy?  If you are then you and the therapist might take up controlling the "door mat syndrome"

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