Derick showed up… I didn't want to let him in… But I figured maybe he won't act stupid. Well he did.
I found myself in a sate of acting immature. Kept telling myself to stop it… But the more he talked the more I wanted to act up. So I just kept my mouth shut…
Then he had to show off his new jacket with his name on it, like he is this very important person… Which I was just about to say something like "Oh I see you got a new work jacket, that's cool!" But he made it a point to show it off, and that made me mad… IDK why… I mean I was happy for him but its like let me do it on my own terms… If that makes any sense??? And i wanted to go off on him, but I didn't. I kept my cool. I've almost got that under complete control. But I go into this sate of feeling like I am being backed into a wall. And lashing out makes me feel better. But I haven't done that in a while. I can stop myself and say NO, don't do that… So now it's like I just don't talk because it feels like I am choking.
I felt bad for being mean to him… Then he has the nerve to say is it just me or are you acting diffrent… Which I know I am, I can see that, and I don't know why I do it. I try really hard to stay in one state of mind, but I can't control it. It depends on my situations.
Then he says something about how he was going to order pizza for the employees at work because they were doing such a good job… And that he worked the best out of everyone today. And that made me nervous.
Then he said he Oh I just see you are having a shitty day just like me. No, my day has been ok. I'm tring to find the good in things now. And yeah I had a few bad things happen today but I also had a few good things too… Then he laughed.
So Cirena made him leave, and he said to her oh it's okay I know she will call me tomorrow… No… I'm not… LEAVE ME ALONE!
misery loves company right… Well I'm tring really hard to get rid of that company! :\
Ugh and I know I am weird why do people have to keep reminding me… My stomach hurts a little bit now.