I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel intensely paranoid and something's not right. I wasn't that well yesterday and the annoying things that are wrong with me are really ruining my life and weighing me down and just getting worse. I don't feel right today. For some reason i need to drink a lot more than normal. When i'm in a situation where i'm anxious (anyything social) i need to drink all the time and i still need more. I don't feel thirsty but i get dehydrated symptoms like feeling faintish and the first time i got that dehydration thing was when i was about 13 because it was before highschool. That's not the thing im bothered about but the things i'm bothered about are probably top of the list in making me know that i need to end it, if i could, because they will get in the way of everything, but i just need to keep acting and pretend to myself that i don't care and it's exhausting, same with the GD, it's exhausting. I have so many little things wrong with me physically and mentally that i really don't even know what to say to be able to express how i feel. It's like a painful and cruel blankness. i feel disconnected from everyone and scared of them all. Even just people i'm walking past i feel scared of now. Something is seriously wrong with me and i can't get the help i need. I hate life so much. In a way i love it but i can't be in or attatched to any of it and realistically i never will. I feel like i don't want to eat for a long time and sleep it away because i'm so scared of people and this doesn't feel natural, i feel like it's a dream or that i' m a character in a video game. I'm just scared of horrible people wanting to be horrible to you. That in general freaks me out. that's all i'm scared of. literally ALL. It's somethign i don't understand and it's really dark and one nasty look puts me in this really dark place. Even when someone doesn't say anything to you it puts me here again. It's just horrible, i would rather someone grated my arm than was not nice to me or have a friend that couldn't be bothered with people. What an evil world. It's covered up though with smiles and people with nice voices saying nice things. I can't trust a single person that they won't leave me. What am i supposed to do. I don't think this makes any sense but basically i have this horrible blankness feeling in me physically and mentally and i'm scared of people and i hate how they leave you. But it feels worse than it sounds. It's more a feeling than anything you can sum up in words. I wish people could just feel feelings you were feeling.

1 Comment
  1. Author
    borntired 10 years ago

    it sure would make life a lot easier if people could feel what we are feeling especially when some things are so hard to understand or describe

    hugs to you

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    0 kudos

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