Its bee while since I been on here, dont get on much. Alot has has happen since last time I bloged on here. and I do mean Alot. Since then I have fallen in and out of love. Both painful and relieving. I hit some of my darkiss moments last year and a couple this year. Yea I now its only Feb…Last summer wasnt great. Got into with my mom and step dad about about a joke… Sometimes family needs to leave things along. I hate how they can be concerned about little things lke a jole and makke into a big deal were I;m upset I just wanna flatline. Like I said it was crazy becasue when I nnned them to listen they dont wanna listen. I'm guessing its ok for a mother to make her youngest keep all the secrets and hide them. Bad enough Having to fight the urge of cutting…(I broke in and ended up cutting again. I cant talk to anyont really they half listen and everyones got there on prombles to deal with anyway. So as a young women going throught this. I feel lke I'm on my own. I now this sounds kinda fucked up but I rather go back to anti soical days where mybest friend was music… Only thing I hate about those days was most of it the school life, the parents fighting not being able to do stuff the eveything…..and now that im 19 and this is my lst year of Highschool….All I learn is that I hate school.. I like doing class work but I like a break to…I dont wanna fall for the wrong guy again.. I dont wanna be caught in the middle of the flame again. I wanna get away from my mom and her moods…( I rather take slapping and that instead of the name callling)….Man wish she understood me more. She want and never will. But I have 3 more months and Im making the best out of it… Things could horrible worste….Im gonna say life is lovely….Its gonna be what I want to be…. I;m just ready for something new and differnt….meet new people, Start my adult life out right…..So I'm gonna roll with the punches and the best of eveything,….Just gotta let it all out, without it makeing me go insane…..I'm avoiding the dapresstion….I cant let it controll me. I gonna be postive.